Tag Archives: WOWS Blog

In the driving seat…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it once again received no ‘likes’, which made it about as popular George Osborne and Iain Duncan-Smith in a benefits queue. That said, I’m guessing plenty of people in the benefits queue would happily throw coins at them – were it not for the fact that the probably don’t have any spare money…

 

I was a bit surprised that yesterday’s ‘blog didn’t get any correspondence from the people of North Korea, although I’m guessing their access to the internet is somewhat limited and in any event, a lot of North Koreans are getting involved in their national table tennis tournament – apparently it’s called the ping-Pyongyang… 

 

That said, the people of South Korea were also said to be busy as there was a big concert on in their capital city – with music from British R&B band Seoul II Seoul. 

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about the reassuring news that, despite the hardships faced by many people in the UK and the fact that someone who I think was called Phil Pot carried out the most wicked of crimes against 6 innocent children; one of the major stories on the BBC News website is that Manchester City winger Samir Nasri has been banned for driving for 6 months.

 

Nasri was fined around £2,100 (approximately a few hour’s wages) and banned from driving for 6 months. Bizarrely, according to the BBC News, ‘Nasri was originally convicted in June but this was overturned after he signed a declaration saying he was unaware his Mercedes had been caught on camera’ – this is a great way of getting out of a crime and I think I will now go and personally track down Piers Morgan and punch him repeatedly in the face and advise the police that I wasn’t aware that anyone saw the crime. 

 

The ‘news’ about Nasri comes just one day after his Manchester City colleague Carlos Tevez was given community service for driving whilst banned – apparently his excuse about him not being aware that anyone had seen him driving whist banned, controversially, didn’t stand-up in Court. 

 

It’s not the first-time Tevez has been involved in controversies, he once posed for a large billboard which said ‘Welcome To Manchester’. Although the billboard was vandalised and when questioned by Police as to why he felt a criminal act was necessary, the offender simply stated ‘Welcome To Manchester’…  

 

Tevez’s other major controversy was his reluctance to play football (typical footballer) in a Champions League game last year… Tevez said that his boss was a disgrace and treated him like a dog… as a result Tevez refused to stand on a field and run around after a ball…

 

By the way, episode 5 of the WOWS podcast is now available, make sure you listen to this thoroughly entertaining 26 minutes… well… maybe not…

 

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

The North/South divide…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it once again received no ‘likes’, which made it about as popular as a prospective judge on The Voice who suffers from motion sickness (on the subject of The Voice – why isn’t the competition on the radio if the only thing that matters is singing?). 

 

I was a bit surprised that yesterday’s ‘blog didn’t get any correspondence from the people of South Wales, although I’m told that the van delivering their letter is quibbling over the price of crossing the River Severn. That said, I stand by my slight digs aimed at South Wales and it’s clearly a bit of a rubbish place – hence the Australians deciding that the needed to make a New South Wales…  

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about the Kaesong industrial zone in Korea – something which I’m surprised I don’t ‘blog about every day. 

 

Korea is an interesting place, with the south being far more affluent than the north… sorry, I meant ‘England is an interesting place, with the south being far more affluent than the north’…

 

The reason I mention the Kaesong industrial zone is because North Korea has announced that it will no longer allow South Korean workers to cross the border and work in the 120 factories based in the Kaesong industrial zone. As such this has caused tensions between Seoul (the capital of South Korea and Pyongyang (the capital of North Korea). All-in-all, I’m not too fussed about the whole thing, but I’m generally siding with Seoul on the basis that it’s far easier to spell. 

 

North Korea is one of only 3 communist states still remaining (along with Cuba and China – that’s a rare WOWS ‘Blog fact for you there) and is thus isn’t viewed favourably by America, who have sent military planes to nearby regions. This includes the USS John McCain, which can intercept missiles – although I’m not sure what it does with them once it has intercepted them, does it smash the missile into loads of smaller missiles? If so, then surely that’s a far more dangerous thing? It’s a bit like saying, “would you rather get into a boxing ring with David Haye or 10 ordinary men?” (By the way, if you’re considering answering this question, David Haye would have a fully functioning toe in this bout). 

 

The naming of the plane after John McCain is an interesting one, after all he a politician so skilled that he lost to George W Bush in the nomination to be the Republican candidate in the 2000 US election and he was also imprisoned in a Vietnamese prisoner of war camp nicknamed the Hanoi Hilton – which was a place more squalid and disgusting than Paris Hilton…

 

The situation between the North and South Korea is a pretty desperate one… particularly for the people who may lose their jobs in the Kaesong industrial zone… the poor things… they’ll now be looking for a change of Korea…

 

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

Taking its toll…

There was moderate feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it received one ‘like’, which made it about as popular as a ‘1 for the price of 2 offer’ at Tesco.

 

I was a bit surprised that yesterday’s ‘blog didn’t lead to me receiving any correspondence from Paolo Di Canio after my mentions of his links to racism and fascism; although apparently he is a bit too busy assessing the situation at Sunderland – first up he’s keen to sign John Terry and Luis Suarez on loan…

 

I also thank the person who advised me that David Miliband was beginning to come under scrutiny for not giving up his seat on The Board at Sunderland which involved him working with Sunderland for 15 days a year and paid him £125,000 (plus a Sunderland season ticket for one adult – which values his remuneration package at around £125,004 per year).

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about the plans to put a massive uncultured grunting beast by the side of the road which runs from London to the South of Wales – it’s called the M4 troll road…

 

Hang on. 

 

Apparently it’s called the M4 toll road, so they’re going to charge people to drive on a road that’s been built by the taxpayer (that’s as well as paying fuel duty and car tax – but the fact that you pay car tax and pay duty when you put fule in your car doesn’t mean that you can drive your car on any road, you cheeky little f*cker).

 

However, George Osborne is keen to build an M4 relief road to invest as part of his plan in commencing infrastructure projects and he said today that he wants to avoid a triple dip recession – so I presume that means that he’s trying to get the UK economy into a quadruple dip recession.

 

There seems to be little point to the M4 toll road (other than the fact that it’s the quickest way to get out of Wales… actually, scrap that – there’s a very good reason to require a toll road around the M4). 

 

I suppose the main reluctance of the Welsh Government to adopt the proposed new transport links as a toll road is because the drivers in Wales also have to pay for the Severn river crossings when they’re on the M4 – I mean, I know that you have to cross that big estuary to get into Wales, but I didn’t realise you had to cross six other bridges on the way there.

 

The main bridge that drivers have to use on the M4 is the Second Severn Crossing… which measures about 5 kilometres in length… and costs £6.20 to drive along in a car… I wouldn’t pay that to get into Wales…

 

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

Mili-banned…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it once again received no ‘likes’, which made it about as popular as Gordon Ramsey in the family enclosure at a football game – I hope you think that f*cking analogy is f*cking amusing Gordon, you f*cking potty-mouthed tw*t.     

 

I was a bit surprised that yesterday’s ‘blog didn’t get any correspondence from the students of Oxford or Cambridge University, but they said that I didn’t go to either of their Universities, so I may as well not bother existing. I did get one message from a keen rowing fan who told me that I should be embarrassed by the fact that I wrote a ‘blog containing so many woeful rowing puns – so I wrote back to him telling him not to stick his oar in…

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about David Miliband – who has recently taken on the job as CEO of a large charity based in New York. This has resulted in him resigning as MP for South Shields… and as Board Member of Sunderland FC – he also tried to resign as Ed Miliband’s brother, although he wasn’t allowed (in spite of giving official notice of his resignation on the grounds that Ed Miliband was a cheeky little f*cker who stole David’s dream job).    

 

By the way, ‘Miliband’ is obviously an unusual name, and it’s not often you hear the word ‘Miliband’ – it certainly isn’t a phrase that was said when News International made their list of approved people who’s phones they were going to hack…

 

In spite of what I said earlier, David Miliband didn’t actually resign as a Board Member of Sunderland FC because of his new job – or even because they are terrible at football. 

 

He instead resigned because the club appointed Paolo Di Canio as their manager. Miliband said that he disagreed with Di Canio’s previously reported political views. Di Canio is alleged to have said that he was ‘a fascist, but not a racist’… or ‘a racist, but not a fascist’ – let’s be honest, neither of them is a particularly good thing or have very appealing connotations…

 

Perhaps we should give this alleged fascist/racist a second chance? Let’s be honest, only an absolute Nazi would pre-judge someone in such a way…

 

To be fair to Di Canio, we should perhaps focus on all of his on-the-field actions, instead of his off-the-field views… things like pushing the referee over, that happened on-the-field… but in all seriousness, Di Canio was a wonderful footballer and one of the finest to play in the Premiership… he played on the right wing…

 

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

Let’s see a big smile on your Boat Race…

The lack of feedback is really beginning to pick up the pace, with yesterday’s ‘blog once again receiving no ‘likes’, which made it about as popular as a fully priced Easter egg on Easter Monday – just make it cheaper for me for Pete’s sake, I want the chocolate, but I’m not paying the full price. 

 

I was a bit surprised that yesterday’s ‘blog didn’t get any correspondence from any pedants telling me what utter tripe I’d been speaking – but perhaps there were that many factual errors that the pedants of this world are still collating details of my bullsh*t in yesterday’s ‘blog.

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about the University Boat Race – where this year’s final was contested by Oxford and Cambridge, again!

 

I watched all 20 minutes of the race on BBC One during their mindbogglingly long 2 hour Boat Race special, which if you extrapolate it out would mean that a 90 minute football match would last 9 hours – at which point, I’d have thrown my television set out of the window, set up a dartboard with a picture of Adrian Chiles’ face on the front it and starting throwing the thousands of arrows at it (I’ll be honest, I’ve already got the dartboard anyway prepared anyway). 

 

The absolute lowlight of the BBC’s coverage was their map, which had a special red line on it showing the route taken by the two teams, which was… er… straight along the River Thames…  

 

The race itself was billed as ‘one of the finest amateur sporting occasions in the world’ – however quite how a race containing 4 Olympic rowers can be consider as an amateur race is beyond me (particularly if it’s a boat race). 

 

The race itself went quite well, with Oxford or Cambridge winning (it was the team in the blue and white) and the race was umpired by Sir Matthew Pinsent, who was well known for regularly arguing with Sir Steve Redgrave – apparently they were always rowing… 

 

They aftermath of the race was quite unusual… with the medal ceremony going quite well… the woman handed out the gold medals to the winning team… and then she kissed the cox of the winning crew…

 

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

Something or other…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, there were no ‘likes’ – which made the ‘blog about as popular as Stringfellow’s lapdancing club on an evening when all the dancers have gone on strike and the owner has had to step in to perform the duties…

 

Fortunately there isn’t a dislike button on WordPress, which means that I didn’t get much in the way of abuse from Christians (by that, I mean the followers of Christianity, not just general people who are called Christian). I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from fans of the apostles Peter and Paul after I criticised their ability to cater yesterday – I’m also advised that Peter was a thief and Paul wore a wig, hence them being known as “Robbin’ Peter, toupée Paul”…  

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move onto today’s ‘blog which is on the subject of whatever’s happening in the news, although unfortunately not much has happened today and there’s more action in an episode of The Archers. 

 

I’m not sure why nothing has happened, although I don’t even know what day it is today, other than I know that it’s the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday – I know it’s a Saturday, but I’m not sure if there’s a special name for it. 

 

To add even more confusion to things, we’re also about to put the clocks back an hour tonight, or forward – I’m not sure which. In any event, putting them forward isn’t really very special given that they go forward anyway. 

 

Hang on. 

 

It turns out that they are going forward…

 

That means that we’ve got a shorter weekend than normal… oh, no… actually… there’s two bank holidays sandwiched on either side of the weekend… so that means that by reducing an hour, we gain two extra days… and I’d highly recommend that you spend one of them listening to the WasteOfWebSpace podcast episode 5 which we recorded today…

 

The podcast contains reference to The Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne eating badger… like all good podcasts do surely… what a rubbish day for news…

 

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

I hope you’ve had a Good Friday…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, albeit that was hardly surprising given that the ‘blog was shorter than one of Katie Price’s skirts. 

 

There wasn’t much in the way of feedback of the previous day’s ‘blog either and it was noticeable that both ‘blogs contained jokes about England being bad at football – perhaps this is some kind of subconscious thing? Or perhaps it’s just the case that England are woeful at football?

 

Anyhow, I was struggling to find something to comment on today when I saw a news article about there being an online dating website (what other type of website could there be, an ‘offline website’?) which specifically offered dating opportunities for people who carried sexually transmitted diseases – which sounds like a positive thing…

 

However, I then thought I’d try and write a few things about Easter, even though I know very little about it – I’m kind of hoping that my ability to write about something in spite of my total ignorance will land me a job working for The Daily Mail…

 

Easter is in celebration of our saviour Jesus Christ dying and then being resurrected – and we celebrate this via a changing date every year, although we celebrate his birthday at Christmas on a fixed date every year. That doesn’t make any sense though does it? Anyone would have thought the whole thing was a load of b*llcks, but fortunately I’m not very sceptical and inquisitive…

 

Jesus celebrated his life prior to his death with his apostles at the last supper, Paul and Peter were in charge of catering and totally forgot to order any food – fortunately though Jesus managed to find 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread and everything was sorted…   

 

There’s a lot of celebrating in unusual and commercialised methods. These include making an Easter bonnet – which is good, although having half a car strapped to your head can be a bit cumbersome and difficult at times.

 

There’s also a number of historical moments which happened at Easter, such as the 1998 Good Friday Agreement where Tony Blair for the first time allowed the people of Northern Ireland to choose their own Easter eggs (or something like that) and the Easter Rising in Dublin in 1916 (which I think happened shortly after the invention of yeast, which is an infectious kind of baking product – sorry, I’m back talking about STI’s again…). 

 

Actually, that’s a load of rubbish, yeast has been around for thousands years and was partly responsible for Jesus rising – hence this festival originally being called ‘Yeaster’ for many years until the first letter was dropped around the turn of the 12th century – I have no idea Y that happened…

 

(I’ll be honest, I might have made up that last paragraph). 

 

The main part of Easter is obviously the religious connotations and it’s a chance for many practising Christians to head to remember the sacrifice made by Jesus… my local church was due to be holding a big service this Easter, but unfortunately it was burgled last night… the burglars took almost everything… if it wasn’t nailed down, it was stolen… so Jesus was okay…

 

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)