Tag Archives: #TweetsBecauseTowieIsBoring

#ShopTweetsNowtOnTV

This week myself (Jimbo) and Fisher have been tweeting about shops, here are a few things we had to say. All views are our own.

Thorntons – a chocolate shop until it melted during summer

Miss Selfridge – once duped someone into buying a fridge

Carphone Warehouse – sells phones shaped like cars

Comet – has a large tail of dust coming off the side of every store

Big Man Shop – sells clothes to fat men without having an awkward shop name to say that they sell clothes to fat men

WH Smiths: is a stationery shop so it has never moved once

Game – there’s no sign of any Pheasant or Venison in there

GAP – this shop sells________ at a reasonable price

Pets at Home – I took my dog there, he felt very much at home and chewed the furniture

Next….

PC World – they ensure that there is no sexism, racism or homophobia in their stores

GT News – a paper shop until it blew away in the wind

B&Q – if you’re rude towards people in there, you’re told to mind your B&Q’s

He Runs She Runs – straight out when they see the prices

Tesco – is Lord Sebastian Coe’s sister

Poundstretcher – worth pointing out you shouldn’t vandalise a pound coin as it has the queens face on it

Bank – ran into financially difficulty, so it received a huge bailout and is now 74% owned by the taxpayer

Marks & Spencer’s – this isn’t just any tweet this is an M&S tweet

House of Fraser: Niles Crane was said to be furious about the naming of this store

Early Learning Centre – never been able to buy anything from there as they only accept plastic coins

Poundland: would be screwed if we ever adopted the Euro

All Saints – a clothes shop that you can buy Mother Theresa, Santa Claus and Pope costumes from.

JD Sports – include pub golf and beer pong (but with Jack Daniels, obviously)

Boots – they sell pretty much everything apart from boots!?

Currys – started out by selling chicken tikka masala and naan breads

IKEA – if you want to go in this shop you have to assemble it first

Land of Leather – is the name of the island inhabited by David Dickinson and Judith Chalmers

For more Tweets like this follow @JimboStudios and @CFishTank for more Tweets Nowt On TV every Sunday night.

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#SportTweetsNowtOnTV

This week Jimbo & Fisher opted to tweet about Sport. Here a few of the highlights. Remember to follow @jimbostudios and @CFishTank on Twitter for more Tweets every Sunday evening from 10.15pm.

Sumo Wrestling – fat men wearing nappies and pushing each other..it’s not wrestling

Kasper Schmeichel – a goalkeeper like his dad but a lot paler and friendlier

David Seaman – former England goalkeeper, I won’t tell a joke about lobbing him

Javelin – an olympic game in which athletes try to throw Peter Crouch as far as they can

Ashley Cole – now he’s divorced is considering changing his name to Ashley Tweedy, or something like that…

Sky Sports – don’t actually broadcast many air based sports like paragliding bit of a let down

Kick Boxing – its like boxing but with your feet, it must be hard to walk with boxing gloves on your feet

Squash – its a sport that Lisa Riley off Emmerdale used to play with her boyfriend late at night in bed

Curling – you would think that the organisers of this event would have already swept the ice clean before

Rugby- there are 2 types, one is played by big ugly men and the other is played by ugly big men

Darts – not enough ninjas and assassins play this sport.

Chris Eubank – once introduced Steven Stephenson at an after dinner speech and drenched everyone in saliva

Steve Mcmanaman – the muppets sang a catchy song about him, manamana…

Alex Ferguson- has been at Man United for 25 years – and he hasn’t scored once. Rubbish.

Christiano Ronaldo – was bowled over when he won player of the year – even though no-one touched him

Tim Henman – was a Wimbledon semi finalist in 2009, 2010 and 2011 – when he worked as a commentator…

Combined Universities Netball Team – they prefer to use their full name and not the acronym…

Breast Stroke – very popular in swimming…in the showers

Water polo – it’s an enjoyable sport, but teaching the horses to swim is really difficult

Croquet – a game which involves you hitting your balls with a mallet.

Jessica Ennis- is married to a man called Paul Ennis – she loves P.Ennis…

Tennis Umpire- one of these was once castrated in a freak tennis accident, he then said “new balls please”

John ParrotJohn Parrott- he’s now a snooker commentator and he always repeats what the other commentator says

Bobsleigh racing – You have to borrow Bobs sleigh if you want to play

Weight Lifting – a sport not to be confused with Rick Wallers bedside crane

Surfing – I went surfing not long ago, then deleted my history

Dirty Tackle – footballers like Ashley Cole and John Terry should really be tested for this

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