Tag Archives: tennis

WOWS Podcast Ep6

Jimbo & Fisher are back after a three month break with the WOWS Podcast Episode 6. This time Jimbo and Fisher get cheap tickets for The Wimbledon Tennis tournament only to find out they are cheap because it has finished. So they decide to play “Who’s is that grunt?” to keep them entertained.

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Game, Set and Match… 4 hours after they started

No-one ‘liked’ yesterday’s ‘blog, which may have been due to me drawing attention and I didn’t really feel the need to shamefully ‘like’ my own work. In any event, I don’t write these for the critical acclaim – I’m in it purely for the money and the women I can get off the back of doing this.

Thus far I haven’t had any of either of the above, but we’re only on the 27th day, so I’m giving it 3 or 4 years and by then I’ll hopefully I have more money than Hugh Heffner and have had more woman than Hugh Heffner. If this isn’t the case in 3 or 4 years time then I’ll come to the conclusion that I’m wasting life, although I’d say that this is pretty unlikely.

Anyhow, today Andy Murray played against Novak Djokovic in the final of the Australian Open and Murray lost, so he’s now Scottish again (if he’d have lost in straight sets, then he might been classed as Welsh).

It was a great win for Djokovic who managed win after overcoming the theft of his hoover a few days ago (that’s why he’s called Novak) and it coincided with Tim Henman registering a rare tournament victory after a scheduling mix-up saw him competing in the Austrian Open, where he won in the final against the world ranked number 653 player – or as he’s also known ‘Britain’s third highest ranked player’.

Djokovic booked his place in history having become the first man since 1967 to win 3 consecutive Australian Opens and Murray narrowly missed out on his attempt to become the first man ever to win 2 consecutive Grand Slam tournaments without smiling.

Murray to be fair is the second best tennis player in the world right now and the two went at it toe-to-toe (so it’s fortunate that David Haye wasn’t competing) and there was little to separate the two of them; fortunately a winner of each set was decided after seeing who was best at smashing porcelain dolls of ladyboys – I think that’s what they mean when they have a ‘Thai-break’…

Hopefully these two fine players will go on to become legends of the game who are well known in many years time and then branch out their careers: Fred Perry for example started making sports clothes (I guessing his brand is called Fred Perry, although I’ve never actually had that officially conformed) and John McEnroe currently does a lot of charity work, he recently went to Syria delivering aid… although at one point he saw some people claiming the humanitarian aid packages even though they weren’t locals… McEnroe was absolutely incensed and screamed, ‘you cannot be Syrians’…

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Occupational Hazard

Yesterday’s ‘blog post received 1 ‘like’. So it was 25% as good as Tuesday’s ‘blog (or 4 times worse?). That said, as the ‘blog is online, it still has the entirety of time to get an additional 3 likes.

Anyhow, I made the decision yesterday to ‘blog about the Swansea vs Chelsea game and I was ready and raring to give a full analysis of this incredible 0-0 draw. Then, with 10 minutes to go Chelsea’s Eden Hazard decided to kick a ball-boy – so sorry if you’re a football purest, I’m going to be ‘blogging about the incident instead of the tactics and defensive techniques employed during the game (although admittedly, I’ll probably drift of onto a bit of a tangent at certain points).

Having watched the footage of Hazard’s kick, I was disappointed – but that’s because I’d heard that he had kicked a boy in the balls, but it turned out that he tamely kicked a ball-boy (although the ball boy was 17, so technically he was nearly a ball man).

Hazard was condemned and sent off and thus became one of the very few infamous Belgians. Hazard claimed that he kicked the ball, not the boy. As excuses go, it’s a pretty poor one – a middleweight boxer couldn’t punch someone on the street and then claim that it’s fine as it was a good clean shot to the head and that these are permitted under International Boxing Federation rules.

Gordon Taylor of the PFA said that Hazard shouldn’t ‘have taken the law into his own hands’, which is a bit extreme given he hardly shot someone (after all, that’s Ashley Cole’s job in the Chelsea team, after the training ground incident a few years ago – one a Gunner, always a Gunner and all that). To be fair to Hazard, he barely touched the ball-boy – who, unfortunately, went down to the ground and rolled on the floor like he was a professional football player.

The situation was that bizarre that when the ball-boy entered the Chelsea dressing room after the game to receive an apology, Swansea’s Media Manager praised John Terry for his ‘exemplary behaviour’ – and it was in a good way as well, not like normal when he’s only exemplary at being a morally repugnant individual.

Following red card, Eden Hazard will now be forced to watch this weekend’s game at home, apparently he’s planning on putting a TV out on his lawn and watching it with Adam, Eve, a snake and a few apples – they’re the inhabitants of the garden of Eden.

To be fair to Hazard, he’s not the first sportsman to injure an official, and a voluntary official at that. In the Queen’s Club tennis final last year, Argentina’s David Nalbandian was disqualified after he accidentally kicked the line judge – Nalbandian later explained that his coach had told him to serve and volley a bit more and that he’d got a bit confused.

You couldn’t help but feel sorry for the line judge in question who was a fairly elderly gentleman who had probably phoned his grandchildren that morning to say he was officiating in the final and would be on TV. I’d suspect that it wouldn’t have occurred to him that wearing cream trousers wasn’t a good idea in case one of the players kicked him and a blood stain appeared on his trousers slowly getting larger like an interactive map showing the territory Hitler had invaded in the time leading up to World War 2 – more fool him I say, he needs to plan better.

Nalbandian isn’t the only tennis player to be been involved in such an incident though. Indeed, Britain’s own Tim Henman hit a tennis ball in rage during the 1995 Wimbeldon Championships and it struck a ball-girl on the head, knocking her out in the process… the ballgirl was said to be confused, dazed and disoriented… but she got back up and managed to beat Henman 6-3, 7-5, 6-1…

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This week Jimbo & Fisher opted to tweet about Sport. Here a few of the highlights. Remember to follow @jimbostudios and @CFishTank on Twitter for more Tweets every Sunday evening from 10.15pm.

Sumo Wrestling – fat men wearing nappies and pushing each other..it’s not wrestling

Kasper Schmeichel – a goalkeeper like his dad but a lot paler and friendlier

David Seaman – former England goalkeeper, I won’t tell a joke about lobbing him

Javelin – an olympic game in which athletes try to throw Peter Crouch as far as they can

Ashley Cole – now he’s divorced is considering changing his name to Ashley Tweedy, or something like that…

Sky Sports – don’t actually broadcast many air based sports like paragliding bit of a let down

Kick Boxing – its like boxing but with your feet, it must be hard to walk with boxing gloves on your feet

Squash – its a sport that Lisa Riley off Emmerdale used to play with her boyfriend late at night in bed

Curling – you would think that the organisers of this event would have already swept the ice clean before

Rugby- there are 2 types, one is played by big ugly men and the other is played by ugly big men

Darts – not enough ninjas and assassins play this sport.

Chris Eubank – once introduced Steven Stephenson at an after dinner speech and drenched everyone in saliva

Steve Mcmanaman – the muppets sang a catchy song about him, manamana…

Alex Ferguson- has been at Man United for 25 years – and he hasn’t scored once. Rubbish.

Christiano Ronaldo – was bowled over when he won player of the year – even though no-one touched him

Tim Henman – was a Wimbledon semi finalist in 2009, 2010 and 2011 – when he worked as a commentator…

Combined Universities Netball Team – they prefer to use their full name and not the acronym…

Breast Stroke – very popular in swimming…in the showers

Water polo – it’s an enjoyable sport, but teaching the horses to swim is really difficult

Croquet – a game which involves you hitting your balls with a mallet.

Jessica Ennis- is married to a man called Paul Ennis – she loves P.Ennis…

Tennis Umpire- one of these was once castrated in a freak tennis accident, he then said “new balls please”

John ParrotJohn Parrott- he’s now a snooker commentator and he always repeats what the other commentator says

Bobsleigh racing – You have to borrow Bobs sleigh if you want to play

Weight Lifting – a sport not to be confused with Rick Wallers bedside crane

Surfing – I went surfing not long ago, then deleted my history

Dirty Tackle – footballers like Ashley Cole and John Terry should really be tested for this

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