Tag Archives: Splash

Making a splash…

There wasn't much feedback on yesterday's 'blog, indeed it didn't get any likes - although admittedly it wasn't very long and I did have quite a few pints of beer before writing it, although fortunately 'blogging whilst under the influence of alcohol isn't a criminal offence and long may that continue. 

Anyhow, it's time to move onto to today's blog, which is about a 60 year old man from the village of Puckeridge (and it doesn't even relate to the fact that the name Puckeridge is fairly amusing).

Instead, the 60 year old man in question drove through a puddle and drenched a policeman... actually that's not true, he drenched a Community Support Officer - which is a bit like going to meet a member of the Royal Family only for said member of the Royal Family to be Princess Michael of Kent... or even worse, Prince Edward.

The Community Support Officer then reported this 'crime' claiming that a 'six foot wall of water' covered him from head to toe (so presumably he's shorter than six foot) and after an 8 month investigation the matter has now been dropped - which makes it the most embarrassing incident to involve a wall and water since Dale Winton's presented the programme Hole in the Wall (a show which was only slightly less pleasurable than a hole in the head).

It also goes without saying though that it was the worst incident involving a Splash since the awful TV programme featuring Tom Daley and Jo Brand...

Nonetheless, the news about the Community Support Officer getting wet was the top crime story in the hotbed for crime that is the Herts, Beds and Bucks region - narrowly edging out the theft of some milk bottles from a home in Hemel Hempsted and the shooting of a woman by her boyfriend through a closed bathroom door (the legality of which appears to be very much up for debate).

The whole thing is pretty embarrassing for the Police and they have come out and said that they send out their sincerest apologies for their actions in respect of this and that they will ensure that they uphold their usual standards next time such an event occurs... and they'll shoot the suspected offender dead without asking any questions...

That's not to say that I'm accusing our police force of being unnecessarily brutal... although when making an omelette at a local police station recently, one policeman claimed that a broken egg was there courtesy of it falling down the stairs... that said, their attempt at making the omelette went hideously wrong and was rather embarrassing for the policemen in question... they ended up with egg on their face...
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Making a splash…

There wasn't much feedback on yesterday's 'blog, indeed it didn't get any likes - although admittedly it wasn't very long and I did have quite a few pints of beer before writing it, although fortunately 'blogging whilst under the influence of alcohol isn't a criminal offence and long may that continue. 

Anyhow, it's time to move onto to today's blog, which is about a 60 year old man from the village of Puckeridge (and it doesn't even relate to the fact that the name Puckeridge is fairly amusing).

Instead, the 60 year old man in question drove through a puddle and drenched a policeman... actually that's not true, he drenched a Community Support Officer - which is a bit like going to meet a member of the Royal Family only for said member of the Royal Family to be Princess Michael of Kent... or even worse, Prince Edward.

The Community Support Officer then reported this 'crime' claiming that a 'six foot wall of water' covered him from head to toe (so presumably he's shorter than six foot) and after an 8 month investigation the matter has now been dropped - which makes it the most embarrassing incident to involve a wall and water since Dale Winton's presented the programme Hole in the Wall (a show which was only slightly less pleasurable than a hole in the head).

It also goes without saying though that it was the worst incident involving a Splash since the awful TV programme featuring Tom Daley and Jo Brand...

Nonetheless, the news about the Community Support Officer getting wet was the top crime story in the hotbed for crime that is the Herts, Beds and Bucks region - narrowly edging out the theft of some milk bottles from a home in Hemel Hempsted and the shooting of a woman by her boyfriend through a closed bathroom door (the legality of which appears to be very much up for debate).

The whole thing is pretty embarrassing for the Police and they have come out and said that they send out their sincerest apologies for their actions in respect of this and that they will ensure that they uphold their usual standards next time such an event occurs... and they'll shoot the suspected offender dead without asking any questions...

That's not to say that I'm accusing our police force of being unnecessarily brutal... although when making an omelette at a local police station recently, one policeman claimed that a broken egg was there courtesy of it falling down the stairs... that said, their attempt at making the omelette went hideously wrong and was rather embarrassing for the policemen in question... they ended up with egg on their face...

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WOWS Podcast Ep2

Here is the WOWS Podcast Episode 2. Jimbo & Fisher have plenty to ramble on about including a potential theme tune, Les Mis, High Speed Rail and Transfer Deadline Day! Enjoy and please leave a comment if you would like a shout out in the next podcast!

 

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WOWS Podcast Ep1 (Pilot)

Here is Jimbo & Fisher’s first attempt a podcast. Podcasting means we don’t have to subject you to our natural good lucks but instead you concentrate on our smooth sounding voices. Jimbo and Fisher discuss new ITV programme “Splash”, Jimmy Savile, Twitter and talk about potential podcast feature ideas.

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Prime time… to switch off

As a student I spent 3 years without a television (the last of these years was spent with the luxury of the BBC iPlayer, the first most certainly wasn’t and I think the middle year had limited internet television). I didn’t miss having a TV as I instead did the radical thing of speaking to people and socialising (speaking to people next door via Skype still counts as speaking to them, right?).

I now have a TV and I watch it quite a bit, although I only really watch it because it’s there. If it wasn’t, then I’d stare vacuously into an empty void (one that’s similar to the empty void that exists between the ears of a cast member of The Only Way is Essex).

Trying to predict rating winners must be difficult, for example Sherlock is a real ratings winner (no sh*t) and The Great British Bake Off is also very popular (even though the person who did initially pitch the idea for a show involving taking people with respiratory problems to places like Whitby and Morecambe is said to be very annoyed at the outcome – he wanted to make a show called The Great British Bay Cough).

Quite why someone thought Splash (a programme where Tom Daley teaches ‘celebrities’ how to dive) would be entertaining is beyond me. Additionally, given that both Dancing on Ice and Celebrity Big Brother are currently on at the moment, this would also mean that getting celebrities to appear on it must have been harder than pushing an elephant through a cat-flap.

Surely the mere fact that the obvious headlines were, ‘Splash is ratings bomb’ or ‘Diving programme belly flops’ should have been enough to put the commissioners off?

But this wasn’t the case, so instead we got Omid Djalili going off the 7.5 metre flat board and Jade Ewen (it’s okay, I don’t know who she is either…) jumping from the 5 metre springboard – unfortunately for some viewers Tom Hanks & Daryl Hannah didn’t appear and there was no place for Felix Baumgartner to do a somersault from the 12,500 metre board where he was trying to freefall faster than Jim Davidson’s [admittedly already poor] reputation.

The diving at times was pretty bad (think Gareth Bale crossed with Dider Drogba) and after getting out of the pool, the divers were then judged by a bloke I’d never heard of (presumably he was well-known in the diving fraternity), one half of former Olympic medal winning synchronised diving duo Leon Taylor and Peter Waterfield (but I don’t know which one) and… er… Jo Brand.

Quite why Jo Brand is a judge is unknown (obviously it’s nowhere near as ironic as when Piers Morgan used to judge talent) and after a relatively poor performance from her, there were calls for her to be replaced. To their credit, ITV have said they will persevere with her – which is a strong showing of Brand loyalty…

Perhaps it’s hoped that Tom Daley and his celebrity diving programme will make diving cool? Let’s be honest, Bradley Wiggins has made cycling and sideburns cool; which is something that John McCririck failed to do on both counts – albeit, he didn’t put much effort into the cycling.

That said, because I’m keen to test the waters (literally) I decided to give diving a go yesterday just to see what it was like. I grabbed a fish, held it close to me, jumped off the board… my dive was a double somersault with a pike…

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