Tag Archives: Space

WOWS Podcast Ep.25 No One Was Injured During The Making of this Podcast

Jimbo & Fisher host the most hazardous episode so far despite it being Health & Safety themed. Jimbo blindfolds Fisher to play a game of “Sniff Uranus”

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WOWS News Round Up January 28th 2013

The route of the new high-speed train network linking Birmingham to Manchester and Leeds is announced
The transport secretary has announced the route which apparently stop at 5 stations. The route was actually supposed to be announced a couple of weeks ago but instead the announcement was delayed due to a shortage of staff, it was then cancelled until further notice and then they decided to do the announcement on a replacement bus service instead. There has been a lot of criticism of the proposed route due to the fact it cuts through the picturesque country side – by this we don’t think they are referring to Birmingham. The Department For Transport has claimed the new high-speed rail will reduce journey times by half which is good because that means we will only be stuck on the platform for half an hour rather than a full hour.

French troops have taken control of Timbuktu airport in Mali
French led troops who are fighting in Mali against Islamist rebels have taken control of the airport in key city Timbuktu. This is quite an achievement as we have always been led to believe Timbuktu was impossible to get to. Imagine the instructions to the troops. “You must get from here to Timbuktu”. That particular phrase has commonly been used in the past to describe a very, very far away location, virtually impossible to get to. So the fact that the troops have managed it is great. Although the fact that there is an airport in Timbuktu probably suggest that it’s not that impossible to get to and perhaps they should re-work the phrase. Possibly to “from here down to the next junction on the M62” would nowadays be a more appropriate phrase as the M62 is more impossible to conquer in terms of travel.

Iran claims it has sent a monkey into space

Iran is claiming that it has successfully flown a monkey into space and back and takes Iran one step closer to achieving a manned space flight. Obviously Iran is quite far behind the likes of the US and Russia but it is a great achievement for them. In comparison to our British achievements Iran sending to a monkey into space is about the same as the UK’s David Beckham finally learning how to tie his shoe laces or David Cameron remembering to take his young daughter home from the pub. The last achievement for the UK involving a primate and space was quite recently when Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney volleyed a shot over the crossbar out of Old Trafford and into space which hit a man called Felix who was stargazing, this resulted in Felix losing his balance who then fell 20 odd miles from his rocket.

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One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind… and I mean seriously giant…

I have a bit of an interest in space travel and astronomy (but not astrology – as that’s about as scientifically rigorous as the time Rylan from The X Factor presented the Royal Institute’s Christmas Lectures).

I was intrigued recently when it had been suggested that America create their own Death Star-style battle-station armed with lasers that are capable of destroying planets. Their viewpoint is commendable as destroying planets isn’t generally a good thing, albeit there are said to be minor sociological benefits to damaging certain planets – apparently destroying a Mars a day helps you work, rest and play…

The plan was rejected as the American Government said they had a policy of not ‘destroying planets’ – instead they prefer to destroy other countries. Also, the cost of the project is an estimated $850 quadrillion which roughly equates to the cost of around 1 London Olympics; or alternatively, the value of claims for compensation that have been lodged against Jimmy Saville’s estate.

I’m not sure who suggested the Death Star idea, but I’d suspect he (only a man could make such a stupid suggestion, surely?) was about as intelligent as the person who advised Lance Armstrong to sue anyone who claimed he was a drugs cheat or the bloke who told Gerald Ratner to ‘just go out and tell a few jokes, what could possibly go wrong’…

The reason that the White House has commented on the Death Star suggestion is because over 25,000 Americans have signed a petition requesting that it’s built. Given that the population of America is well in excess of 250million people, this means that less than 0.01% of Americans need to sign a petition for the Government to comment on it. Converting it, 0.01% of people equates to a meagre 1 in 10,000 – which is similar to the amount of people who thought Jim Davidson was funny in a recent survey… note, the people surveyed included Jim Davidson…

The ‘Death Star’ isn’t the only recent petition in America to reach the news, as over 25,000 people recently signed a petition in America to deport Piers Morgan – coincidentally, 25,000 British people have already signed a petition to not let him back into the UK. To be fair, I’d be happy for Piers Morgan to be deported – just not to this country (perhaps to somewhere like Iraq to meet some of the troops who he falsely accused of abusing Iraqi citizens? Just a suggestion…).

The reason that America want to deport Piers Morgan (as if you’d actually need a reason) is because of his [admittedly, very sensible] views on gun control. Morgan recently had a heated discussion on his show with Larry Pratt from the National Rifle Association, which gave the rare moment of there being 2 Pratts on screen – one by name, one by nature…

Whilst the Americans are yet to remove Piers Morgan from their society, they did ensure that the head of the English Defence League, Stephen Lennon, was jailed this week for entering America on a false passport. Lennon was said to be absolutely fuming… although he did applaud the American Government for their policy on locking up dodgy foreigners…

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