Tag Archives: South Africa

Police, Camera, Action… No, don’t do that…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, indeed it received no ‘likes’, making it about as popular as a Nandos is to a vegetarian – although I think vegetarians should actively seek to eat Nandos. Let’s be honest, their excuse for not doing so is pretty poultry…

Perhaps the reason for the lack of comments was because all the Australians were too busy being cultured and going to the theatre. I’m not sure which their favourite part of a theatrical performance is – but I’m guessing it was the interval where they were able to sink about 10 pints of lager…

Anyhow, it’s time to move onto today’s ‘blog and it’s nice to see that the South African police force are keeping themselves out of the news, the last thing they’d need is for them to be seen handcuffing a taxi driver from Mozambique to a police van and then for them to drive through the streets with him in tow.

Oh f*ck.

They’ve only gone and handcuffed a taxi driver from Mozambique to a police van and then driven him through the streets.

Still at least is hasn’t been video and if it has, at least the video hasn’t been leaked.

Double f*ck.

Well, that’s not the best news for the South African police force is it? What with the whole Oscar Pistorius case, which has now been thrown into more controversy after it was revealed that the brother of Pistorius is also on a murder charge – is there anyone connected to the Pistorius case that isn’t alleged to have killed anyone?

Anyhow, today’s ‘blog is being shortened as I’m in London this weekend… so I’m glad that I’m in a place where they don’t have a violent police force…

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And the winner is…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog (there were no ‘likes’) although I’m guessing that that’s because everyone was flying away on their obscenely expensive half-term holidays – or at least sitting in Heathrow terminal 5 waiting for their baggage to appear.

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog which is about the Oscars. The Oscars are due to be happening on Sunday night and the Oscar for worst boyfriend will be going to Pistorius…

He was up in Court today and was represented by his legal team (or should that be ‘paralegal team’?) and his defence was that he thought there was an intruder in the bathroom (as you do, let’s be honest, if you’re a burglar that’s the first place you’d go isn’t it? You’d be straight into the bathroom making sure you stole his toothbrush and toilet roll).

It’s alleged that Pistorius shot his girlfriend when she was on the toilet, which is ironic as Pistorius claimed he’d heard a disturbance and shot his girlfriend through the bathroom door because he’d metaphorically sh*t himself…

It’s alledged that he then smashed the door down with a cricket bat – which again is slightly ironic as he now wants to be released on Bail…

To be fair to Pistorius, despite being a double amputee… he just wants to be compared to an able-bodied athlete… unfortunately, the able-bodied athlete in question is OJ Simpson…

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Oscar Pistol-orius…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, even though I slagged off Piers Morgan – I thought that would make the ‘blog more popular than Jeremy Clarkson at the Nation Xenophobics Association’s annual meeting.

I also received no ‘likes’ – so I’m guessing my references to Shrove Tuesday fell as flat as a… erm… er… er… no, I can’t think of a word to finish the sentence…

Anyhow, it’s time to move onto today’s topic and following on from Pancake Day, I geared myself up last night to write about Valentines Day today and I swore to myself that I’d only not write about Valentines Day in the event that the world’s most famous Paralympian shot his girlfriend…

Fortunately that’s unlikely to happen, so I’m going to write about Valentines Day instead and currently I’m waiting for my date for tonight arrive, I’ve invited her to my house to eat a meal on Valentines Day at 8:30pm – I’ll be honest, I don’t think she’s going to turn up as it’s now 9:00pm… and I invited her in 2006…

Anyhow, I do enjoy the concept of Valentines Day and it’s great to buy presents for the people you love; this year, I bought some flowers synonymous with Amsterdam for my girlfriend – I think she liked them… there was certainly a smile on the Tulips…

Sh*t.

I’ve just seen the news…

The world’s most famous Paralympian has shot his girlfriend – what an inconsiderate prick, and more importantly, what a dreadful Valentines Day present?

The story broke this morning that Oscar Pistorius had accidentally shot his girlfriend when she came round to surprise him on Valentines Day (quite why you’d surprise someone who you knew owned a gun is a shade on the illogical side). In any event, having seen a few pictures of his girlfriend, I can confirm that: a) she would be an incredibly attractive burglar; b) I would like to have had her intrude into my house in the middle of the night; and c) I most definitely wouldn’t shoot her.

In any event, Pistorius is rumoured to live in a highly secure area of Petoria, so it’s highly unlikely that his girlfriend would be able to break in (unless she’s a Paralympic pole valuer who was capable of jumping over the security fence surrounding his house).

After further analysis and speculation it’s now suspected that he intentionally shot her having previously been involved in ‘domestic incidents’ – which means that the man nicknamed ‘Blade Runner’ may be a bit sinister…

Is goes without saying that whilst many men are a bit insensitive on Valentines Day, Pistorius surely has set the bar pretty high in terms of being a bad boyfriend, apparently previous presents he gave included a bouquet of flowers that he’d bought from a petrol station (or been given after he won a race) and a CD – which was ironically by Bullet for my Valentine…

Pistorius is regarded as a unique athlete; being disabled, yet still competing with able-bodied athletes is an astonishing achievement. Although, his athletics career stalled to some extend during the 2012 Olympics… he was chosen to be part of South Africa’s 5 man 400 metre relay squad… unfortunately he was left out of the final 4-man relay team… basically, he didn’t have a leg…

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