Tag Archives: Pope

That’s your lott-ery…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it received one ‘like’ – which is the same amount of acknowledgements that the CEO of durex got in the election to become the new Pope (the one vote being from a confused and doddery Cardinal who misheard and thought said man was the CEO of dulux as he wanted someone to re-paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel as he though it was too fancy – I’m tempted to make a few paint-related jokes… but I’ll gloss over them…).

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from the new Pope after yesterday’s ‘blog; although he was no doubt a bit busy doing whatever it is that a new Pope does. He made a speech yesterday telling everyone that they should share the message of love – something that Darren Day has been keen to do for years.

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s blog, which is about the lottery – something that there’s a 1 in 24,139,138,472 chance that I’d be writing about it. 

 

I’ll be honest, I’ve only ever played the National Lottery once, it was on my 16th birthday and I didn’t win – hence me writing this ‘blog myself and not getting one of my butlers to do it for me. 

 

As a consequence, I don’t know a huge amount about the lottery, but I know that, like Frankel (the champion racehorse who has now been put out to stud), the National Lottery contains some big money balls. 

 

The lottery also has names for the machines, such as Lancelot – which I think is also the answer to the question: What is the firstname of the disgraced cyclist Armstrong and how much did cheat?

 

Indeed, the only lottery win I’ve had recently is on something called the postcode lottery where I won some medical treatments which included a suppository – although I didn’t want it, so I wrote back to my local Primary Care Trust and told them to shove it up their arse… 

 

The main reason that I mentioned the lottery is because a Bulgarian property developer who lives in Illford (in Essex) has won the lottery twice in the last 2 years; which is good news for him as he’s not got much of a career – given that there’s not many Bulgarian properties for him to develop in Illford. 

 

For his part though, the Bulgarian property developer said that he wasn’t bothered about the second victory (which totalled £160,873.80)… instead, he was only interested in the fact that he could continue his main hobby of skydiving… it’s quite ironic that he likes skydiving… because I know a lot of people who would like a push a man who isn’t bothered about winning £160,873.80 out of a plane…

 

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Give us Pope…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it received no ‘likes’ – which is the same amount of likes that Dave Lee Travis had during the 1970’s (and yet somehow, his popularity has still managed to decrease given the recent allegations against him). 

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from the Australian cricket team whom I reference in yesterday’s ‘blog; although I’m advised that they were busy as their coach had asked then to go and prepare the ground for tomorrow’s game and anyone who wasn’t in attendance with their lawn mower would be fined $10,000 and their parents would be written to. 

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s blog, which is about the election of the Pope. I can exclusively reveal that the new Pope will be…

 

[DRUM ROLL]

 

…someone who no-one has ever heard of. Again.  

 

The person due to fill Benedict XVI’s shoes will be Francis I – and as I’ve said, I don’t really know much about her…

 

Hang on, news just in: Francis I is actually a man – his real name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio and he’s from Argentina.

 

Little is known about Francis I, although he once allegedly tried to appear on Dragons Den attempting to raise investment in his homemade fizzy orange juice, but he got confused and accidentally walked onto the set of Strictly Come Dancing – nonetheless, the judges said they liked his Argentine tango…

 

The election process is an intriguing one, with the Cardinals being isolated from the outside world and then voting in the Papal conclave until two-thirds of the people voting agree on a candidate. I’m guessing being cut-off from the outside world must be tough – the people at the top of the Catholic Church always seem like they have their finger on the pulse…

 

The naming of the Pope is also an interesting process, with the new elected Pope being allowed to chose his Papal name. The most popular name in Pope John, with the most recent being Pope John 23rd (who died in 1963). However, there wasn’t a Pope John 20th as this number was completely left out; I think this is due to the loving manner in which Pope John 19th used to sign off correspondence which led to a lot of confusion – he’d finish by saying “lots of love, Pope John xx”

 

No doubt this is great news for Francis I and the people of Argentina… who I think have now had their second Pope… the first one was Diego Maradona… he was elected with the assistance of the Hand of God… 

 

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WOWS Podcast Ep4

The next instalment of the WOWS Podcast is here. In this episode Jimbo & Fisher discuss Justin Bieber, The Queen and potential merchandise for Waste of Web Space. Jimbo and Fisher also attempt to do a film section and then mark International Womens Day and Mothers Day…but not very well. Enjoy and please leave a comment if you would like a shout out in the next podcast.

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Would you believe it…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog. There was one ‘like’ and I’m guessing there would have been quite a few million ‘where is this man, I’m going to punch him in the faces’ if the ‘blog had been fully read the Roman Catholic population in its entirety; fortunately it wasn’t – and in any event, surely they’re a placid bunch?

The search for a new Pope appears to be ongoing, and it’s alleged that Peter Odemwingie turned up at the Vatican today wearing a mitre, dog collar and robes.

Anyway, it’s time for today’s ‘blog and I noticed that nothing of any note has really happened… although apparently the world’s youngest person was born today…

(I’ve had a busy day…)

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