Tag Archives: penistone

#ShopTweetsNowtOnTV

This week myself (Jimbo) and Fisher have been tweeting about shops, here are a few things we had to say. All views are our own.

Thorntons – a chocolate shop until it melted during summer

Miss Selfridge – once duped someone into buying a fridge

Carphone Warehouse – sells phones shaped like cars

Comet – has a large tail of dust coming off the side of every store

Big Man Shop – sells clothes to fat men without having an awkward shop name to say that they sell clothes to fat men

WH Smiths: is a stationery shop so it has never moved once

Game – there’s no sign of any Pheasant or Venison in there

GAP – this shop sells________ at a reasonable price

Pets at Home – I took my dog there, he felt very much at home and chewed the furniture

Next….

PC World – they ensure that there is no sexism, racism or homophobia in their stores

GT News – a paper shop until it blew away in the wind

B&Q – if you’re rude towards people in there, you’re told to mind your B&Q’s

He Runs She Runs – straight out when they see the prices

Tesco – is Lord Sebastian Coe’s sister

Poundstretcher – worth pointing out you shouldn’t vandalise a pound coin as it has the queens face on it

Bank – ran into financially difficulty, so it received a huge bailout and is now 74% owned by the taxpayer

Marks & Spencer’s – this isn’t just any tweet this is an M&S tweet

House of Fraser: Niles Crane was said to be furious about the naming of this store

Early Learning Centre – never been able to buy anything from there as they only accept plastic coins

Poundland: would be screwed if we ever adopted the Euro

All Saints – a clothes shop that you can buy Mother Theresa, Santa Claus and Pope costumes from.

JD Sports – include pub golf and beer pong (but with Jack Daniels, obviously)

Boots – they sell pretty much everything apart from boots!?

Currys – started out by selling chicken tikka masala and naan breads

IKEA – if you want to go in this shop you have to assemble it first

Land of Leather – is the name of the island inhabited by David Dickinson and Judith Chalmers

For more Tweets like this follow @JimboStudios and @CFishTank for more Tweets Nowt On TV every Sunday night.

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#EasterTweetsNowtOnTV

Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) are here with an Easter special of #TweetsNowtOnTV with #EasterTweetsNowtOnTV , Enjoy!

Easter Egg Hunt – played at Easter when you have to find Easter eggs. It’s easy I found mine at Tesco

Buttons Egg – an Easter Egg with chocolate buttons inside, I couldn’t open mine it took me ages, I’ve cracked it now

Easter Bonnet – is what you would wear on your head. Bloody heavy wearing the front a car on your head.

Maundy Thursday – the last Supper when Jesus gave his followers bread and wine, he could have just retweeted them

Lambs – often associated with Easter, not sure what George and his dad Larry have to do with Easter to be honest

Judas – betrayed Jesus and was very unpopular for it, he has a Lady Gaga song named after him though so every cloud

Henry VIII – was the first person to ever receive an Easter Egg, he received the next 100 as well with the look of it

Easter Chicks – a pull out poster in the Easter edition of Playboy magazine

The Three Mary’s – visited Jesus Tomb after his death. As if he wasn’t confused enough

Passover – Man Citys long ball tactics

Shrove Tuesday – known as pancake day, I got a pancake stuck to the to the ceiling this year, my girlfriend flipped

Easter Egg Hunt – is rhyming slang for how you’d describe Piers Morgan

Crown of Thorns – caused a terrible headache and irritation – I think it was the inspiration for The Only Way is Essex

Jesus’ resurrection – I don’t know what a resurrection is – but I’m guessing it’s better than a normal erection

The Crucifix – Jesus needed this to happen like he needed a hole in the head… and hand… and foot…

Lent – you give something up until Easter – I stopped letting people borrow things this year for lent…

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#PressTweetsNowtOnTV

Jimbo (@JimboStudios) & Fisher (@CFishTank) are hardworking bloggers. They are also very focussed on the market and are aware of the competition out their from the printed press. To prove it, here are some #PressTweetsNowtOnTV. Enjoy.

Good Housekeeping – I can’t find my copy, it’s somewhere under all the empty pizza boxes in the living room

Cosmopolitan – I tried drinking this magazine, it tasted a little glossy, I wasn’t keen

PC magazine – a computing magazine that is politically correct

Heat – you have to be quick to read this magazine before the ink gets to hot and runs

Angling Times – I love this magazine, it reeled me in and now I’m hooked

The Times – in spring they put the publication of this paper forward an hour and then put it back an hour in autumn

The Mirror – when I read this paper I always find myself in it

The Big Issue – a magazine featuring a pull out poster of Rick Waller

Zoo Magazine – you’d have to be a complete animal to read this magazine

NME – I get tired reading this magazine

The People – this is Michael Barrymores kind of Newspaper

Match magazine – popular amongst football players but they still prefer Biff, Chip and Kipper

Avon – A magazine about beauty products. It has all the foundations of a good magazine.

Yorkshire Post – This is delivered by t’postman

Today’s Golfer – I borrowed this magazine from my 7 year old cousin. I couldn’t open the pages, it’s full of bogeys

Readers Digest – an excellent magazine, you can eat it after you have read it

Slimming World Magazine – this magazine really works, I bought it and lost a couple of pounds straight away

Good Housekeeping – I can’t find my copy, it’s somewhere under all the empty pizza boxes in the living room

Radio Times – I’m not so keen on this magazine, it’s just not on my wavelength

Woman – this is published on a Thursday – I should be published on Wednesday, but it takes ages to get ready

The Express – I read through this really quickly

Yorkshire Post – is delivered by t’postman

Goal – I one stole Shayne Ward’s copy of this football magazine. He spotted me and said, “that’s my goal”

Take a Break – I couldn’t be bothered to read this – so I ate a Kit Kat instead

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