Tag Archives: Oprah

I sincerely apologise… for getting caught…

I didn’t watch Lance Armstrong’s pre-recorded two and half hour interview. Although I did watch the first question. Basically, he admitted to cheating – which was as about as unsurprising as Bruce Forsyth telling a bad joke.

Armstrong’s admission of guilt was delivered in a voice as deadpan as John Major delivering details of the UK’s GDP output in the 2nd quarter and with all the remorse of a lion apologising to ram and ewe for eating their child whilst wearing a white woolly jumper and having mint source smeared all over it’s face.

The whole interview between him an Ms Winfrey was intriguing and played out like one big soap Oprah…

For me though, Armstrong was an athlete who won the toughest test of physical endurance 7 times in a row. However, for many people Armstrong is an inspiration, having recovered from cancer (which he’s alleged to have also taken drugs for) he would have given millions of people hope.

Having recovered (effectively winning his toughest battle), he then went on to cheat at the Tour de France and adopt a ‘win at all costs’ mentality; the sad thing was that he’d already won. His actions were akin to Tiger Woods winning the US Masters and then cheating on a game of crazy golf (or Tiger Woods marrying a Swedish supermodel and then cheating on her with a barmaid…).

I have little time for drugs cheats, the Canadian athlete Ben Johnson’s career was severely tarnished after he failed a drugs test… that said… his poems were still good though…

I also have little time for drugs (save for legal medicines – it’s hard to dispute that they have a great worth) and the closest I’ve ever come to taking illegal drugs was when I swallowed an E whilst I was at university – I was the most stressful game of scrabble I’ve ever had… Ironically, I was playing against Armstrong himself and he used the E to expand PO (the name of a teletubby) to EPO (whatever that is…).

It’s hard to fathom Armstrong’s admission that he only took drugs in order to compete with other cyclists, although it was noticeable that Oprah didn’t admit to pumping herself full of steroids in order to oust Ellen DeGeneres, Jay Leno and David Letterman as the most popular chatshow host in the US.

On a similar note, Armstorng denied the US Droping Agency’s claim that he masterminded the most sophisticated doping programme ever created, something he modestly batted away (surely it should be something to be proud of?) claiming that he just didn’t take drugs during races – which is a bit like a man who stole the Crown Jewels confessing in Court that he only managed to do it because the Tower of London had been left unguarded with the doors wide open – which wouldn’t happen as G4S don’t hold the contract to guard the Tower of London…

The admission of Armstrong and the timing of it is unusual, it’s alleged that he has confessed now as he wants to start competing in triathlons… he’s said to be looking forward to cheating in three separate sports…

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On your bike… well… maybe not…

It seems that after I wrote about Amazon’s dominance of the audio and visual media retailing market on Thursday, HMV has now been placed into Administration. I can’t imagine that this ‘blog was the tipping point, but you never know? Perhaps when I state that I’m surprised something hasn’t happened, the WOWS ‘blog has the power to make it come true? If that is the case, then obviously I’m as surprised by this news as I am at the news that no-one has ever transferred £1million into my bank account and that Piers Morgan has never been roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

However, something that doesn’t surprise me is that a cyclist has taken performance enhancing drugs. One thing that does disappoint me is that one of the cyclists alleged to have taken them is former 7-time Tour de France winner, charity fundraiser and alleged human pin-cushion Lance Armstrong. Armstrong pretty much had it all, but now the Armstrong bubble has been bust with such force that anyone would have thought it was punctured by an almighty Lance…

A slight pause for thought might be to say that Armstrong was competing in a field of competitors amongst whom doping was rife and yet he still won the Tour de France on 7 occasions, so in effect he doped really well and managed to beat several cheats, albeit whilst cheating himself.

Not many sports suffer drugs problems. Football is a slight exception, particularly when the accusation was made that Fabio Capello had forced the England football team to take performance-enhancing drugs during the 2008 World Cup. The claims were said to be false after tests adjudged that England’s performance hadn’t been enhanced and were instead scientifically classified as been ‘f*cking sh*t’…

In terms of cheating in sport, cycling is difficult to top, particularly as Armstrong’s titles haven’t been re-allocated yet as it’s difficult to identify who was and wasn’t cheating – the 2003 title may now be going to Jacob Straw, aged 7 from Buckinghamshire, who is one of the few known cyclists not to have taken drugs and he rode his bike in the Dordogne whilst on his summer holiday with his Mummy and Daddy.

That said, it’s easy to criticise, but I once saw James Toesland and Valentino Rossi in a race and they were definitely cheating – their bikes even had engines on them…

For Armstrong, his road to redemption takes the unusual turn this week as he appears on the Oprah Winfrey show. Armstrong flew from his Texan home to Winfrey’s studio in New York to be interviewed – I’m presuming he used an airplane, but I suppose it depends how many performance enhancing drugs he’s actually taken.

The content of the interview is still being kept under wraps with Winfrey saying that he ‘did not come clean in the way she expected’ perhaps she thought he might have had the decency to own up in a Court of Law? Or in one of the interviews when he claimed that he’d taken over 400 tests and never failed once (the only slight controversy being in 2001 when he poured orange juice into urine sample instead of weeing and tested positive for being an orange – which technically didn’t count as doping, as vitamin C isn’t a banned substance).

The main reason that Armstrong is allegedly considering confessing all is that he wants to cycle again having cycled for many years previously; to this end, he recently went to a hearing with cycling’s governing body. The hearing didn’t go well; he left disappointed and threw all his glass bottles and cardboard into the wheelie bin on the way out… he was told that he’d never be able to re-cycle…

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