Tag Archives: New Zealand

Win, Lose or Draw… Draw… and Draw…

Usual service has been resumed and there wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog. It received no ‘likes’ – which made it about as popular as Ed Miliband amongst hardcore Tory voters… and hardcore Labour voters.

 

On the subject of the Milibands, I was a bit surprised to hear that a friend of David Miliband’s had told the BBC that David Miliband is planning on quitting as an MP in order to move to New York. Ed Miliband is said to be pretty jealous of David – particularly the bit about him having a friend… 

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from any obsessed fans of health and safety regulations following my ‘blog about throwing flapjack – although I’m advised that the head of the Health and Safety Executive wrote to me complaining about the ‘blog, although he wouldn’t envelope the letter in case he gave himself a papercut on his lips when he licked the envelope.  

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about cricket (for the second time in as many weeks). I should now declare an interest and state that I’m a huge cricket fan, but I won’t bore you to death with the nitty-gritty of various cricket related chat (although I would absolutely love to as I’m a massive cricket fan – even the fact the Piers Morgan likes cricket doesn’t dissuade me from being a cricket fan).

 

Purely by chance I woke up to watch the end of this morning’s final test match between England and New Zealand where England’s Matt Prior and Monty Panesar successfully defied New Zealand for the final 19 balls of the game to ensure that England drew the series that had lasted 15 days… er… nil-nil.    

 

That really is the problem with cricket, which is that you can play for 5 days at a time and you can still draw more often than a teenage Pablo Picasso after he’d been given some new pencil crayons for Christmas – although most people would probably be able to make more sense of one of Picasso’s pictures than they would of the rules of cricket.

 

(If anyone is unaware, Picasso is an artist well know for his surrealism. Unfortunately, most people now hear the word ‘Picasso’ and instantly think of the Citroen people carriers – which are rubbish by the way, I bought one recently and the wing mirrors were both on the same side of the car…).

 

Anyhow, it was with great skill that Monty Panesar (a man who’s batting ability is more akin to Monty Burns) saved the series and ensured England drew in spite of the fact that they were fundamentally the worst team. Monty (whose batting contains more comedy than Monty Python) memorably also did this against Australia in the summer of 2009. What was his reward you may ask? He didn’t play for England again for another two and a half years. But still eh, thanks for today Monty, we’ll see you again in 2015.  

 

The cricket team shouldn’t be alone in being lauded for their ability to perform poorly and snatch a draw against mediocre opposition… this skill was demonstrated by England’s football team tonight against Montenegro… England were pretty rubbish to be honest and Montenegro are pretty poor… If England had lost to them and then didn’t qualify for the World Cup… it would Serb them right…

 

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Not saving pennies…

There wasn’t a great deal of feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, although I was surprised to see that Peter Odemwingie got confused and turned up at my house last night. He was there in his replica WasteOfWebSpace t-shirt and said that he was keen to become the third member of WasteOfWebSpace – unfortunately he failed a medical when it transpired that he was able to run 5,000 metres without being bent double and requiring oxygen afterwards…

One problem that Odemwingie probably won’t face is the issue of Canada removing their 1 cent coin from circulation as of Monday. That said, why would it, he doesn’t live in Canada.

However, I find it unlikely that a football player would be bothered if Britain decided to remove the 1 pence coin from circulation – save for the fact that it would mean that heavier coins would be being thrown at them during football games.

I don’t know a great deal about Canada, other than it constitutes 100% of the countries in North America that aren’t the United States (and obviously that they now have no 1 cent coin).

Apparently any 1 cent coins in circulation will now be fake, and it’s believed that they will be issued to burglars in Canada as a way of identifying robbers – anyone who steals without being in possession of one of the fake 1 cent coins will be charged with the crime of taking without con-cent…

I’m not sure whether we will remove the penny from UK circulation, but it would take a fair amount of effort given that there’s currently 11.3billion of them in circulation – I can only begin to imagine what the monetary value of that is…

To put this number into context, that’s more than a penny for every person in the world and it’s the same as the extent to which I personally detest Piers Morgan on a scale of 1 to 10. Also, I can’t but help think that the whole situation could be eradicated by creating a 99p coin.

Canada isn’t the only country to remove low value coins from circulation, as New Zealand has also done it (if you’re unaware, New Zealand is a country near Australia which has 2 islands – I think they’re called ‘New’ and ‘Zealand’).

In New Zealand (if you’re unaware, New Zealand is a country near Australia and very similar to Australia – although its people are cultured), they don’t circulate 1, 2 and 5 cent coins and instead their shops give people who are owed a small amount of change some chocolate or a sweet… it’s hard to know whether we’ll adopt a similar thing in the UK and give people a piece of confectionery instead of giving them money… it’s a decision for the Royal Mint…

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