Tag Archives: Lance Armstrong

You absolute buff-Huhne…

There wasn’t much in the way of feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, although once person objected to my insinuation that Tesco is an expensive place and they pointed to the fact that they sell trollies in their car park for just £1.

Talking about people who could be off their trolley, Chris Huhne was in the news today. It turns out that when he said that he wasn’t lying, he was actually lying and he tried to cover up his initial lie with another lie – that’s the truth of the matter… I think…

The whole lie stemmed from an incident in 2003 when Huhne’s car was clocked speeding and his then wife, Vicky Pryce, claimed to have been driving the car. It was then rumoured, and strenuously denied, that Pryce had falsely claimed to have been driving the car in order take 3 penalty points on behalf of Huhne. I suppose it’s good to be moral, but in terms shifting the blame onto someone else in order to save your skin – every shamed MP has his Pryce.

The allegation itself was brought to the public fore when Huhne was caught lying by his wife. This time he was ‘lying’ in bed and the fact that a lady called Carina Trimingham was lying next to him meant that his wife wasn’t too happy, with most of her anger been vented at the woman he was having his love tryst with – she worked in a butchers and specialised in cutting wafer thin slices of pork meat to the correct size… she’s Trimingham by name and trimming ham by nature…

Huhne pleaded guilty today to being a pervert in the corset of justice (or something like that, I wasn’t really listening to the news) and said that he would step down as MP for Eastleigh, however he denied that he was a compulsive liar and said that he’d always been truthful in the past and that’s what helped him win a gold medal at the 1976 Olympics and assisted him when he became the first man to swim up Mount Everest.

As a result of his indiscretions, Huhne’s political career is left more in tatters than a car that had accidentally driven off the edge into the Grand Canyon (Huhne claims not to have been driving said car, but we can’t be certain). When he was charged by the CPS last year, he resigned his cabinet post as environment secretary – him being given that job in the first place was quite ironic given the large amount of hot air coming out of his mouth.

His somewhat undignified fall from grace is quite embarrassing really and the manner in which he lied about an incident involving the misuse of a mode of transport for nearly a decade has drawn many comments:

– Nick Clegg said he was, “shocked and saddened” by Huhne’s admission;

– David Cameron said, “it is a matter for Mr Huhne and his family.” (I’m not sure where his wife fits into that); and

– Lance Armstrong said, “he only lied for 10 years!? What an amateur…”

Following Huhne’s resignation as an MP, the Liberals Democrats are now without one of their heavyweight Politicians (albeit the phase ‘Liberal Democrat heavyweight Politician’ is surely one of life’s great contradictions?) and Huhne may now end up in prison – although he made himself look a bit silly when he asked his wife who was sat in the Courtroom gallery if she’d be up for doing 6 months in Wormwood Scrubs on his behalf.

It’s now time for Huhne to look for an different career and he has already considered alternative employment – he has recently tried his hand at football management… he was dreadful though and kept losing… he could never go home with 3 points…

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WOWS News Round Up January 24th 2013

Eden Hazard kicks ball boy

The latest football controversy now. Chelsea’s Eden Hazard kicked a ball boy for refusing to give the ball back during Chelsea’s bore draw against Swansea which saw the Swans through to the final of the League Cup.

In all fairness the ball boy did seem to make a bit of a meal of it….the situation that is not the ball, which at the time the ball boy seemed to be actually trying to eat the ball the way he was protecting it. It is a shame that the ball boy who was probably an academy player for Swansea put on this over the top reaction after being tapped in the ribs, what kind of role model is he to the Chelsea and Swansea players on the pitch? Do we want to see our professional footballers looking up to ball boy theatrics and diving tactics? Footballers are not known for diving and being theatrical so we don’t want these so-called ball boys encouraging that.

Hazard and the ball boy apparently met up afterwards to make up but the ball boy threw Hazard back on the pitch. A lot of people are sympathising with the young lad but surely he was made aware of the Hazards involved in being a ball boy?

David Cameron’s speech on Europe

This has been all over the news this week however we were disappointed with the speech. He didn’t even establish which of the 80’s Swedish rock band’s few hits were his favourite? Personally our favourite song is the most popular of their hits “The Final Countdown” but he didn’t even mention this once. Is this the kind of person we want leading the country? At least, Ed Miliband would have told us about his favourite songs even if it wasn’t Europe. Apparently he likes the Dave Miller Band

The National TV Awards

It was the National TV Awards this week. TV has changed so much over the years so competition to win these awards must be a lot tougher especially with multi-channels, on demand and online television. In fact we noticed that midway through the NTA’s just as they were about the announce the winner for best dramatic performance, we spotted host Dermot O’Leary get out his tv remote and pause the whole thing while he nipped off to the toilet. We were actually a little disappointed that London Mayor Boris Johnson wasn’t nominated for best dramatic performance after his performance on the zip wire during the London Olympics.  We would have also liked to have seen Lance Armstrong for best actor, lets face it, 7 years he kept it up for. The Great British Bake Off also lost out to Paul O’Grady’s For The Love of Dogs which took the award for Best Factual Entertainment programme. This gave us an idea, why not merge these two popular tv shows creating a homeless dog cookery programme? They could call it…The Great British Bark Off?

Build a snowman to prevent floods

This strange government directive has been in the news this week. Following the heavy snow across the UK over the past week or so the government are growing worried about the big thaw then leading the floods. So an environment agency spokesman has apparently advised that if we all build snowmen it could help reduce the risk. This is all well and good but wouldn’t this then result in a carrot shortage and an increase in flu and pneumonia due to the lack of scalfs and woolly hats. Despite this we followed the advice and built a snowman which has now amazingly and very kindly blocked up the bottom of our back and front doors with sandbags. It’s has also cleared our guttering and the drains outside the house. So it could well be true, Snowman can prevent flooding.

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WOWS News Round Up 22nd January 2013

Reports that suicide rates are up to over 6,000 in 2011. 

Many are linking the ongoing financial crisis resulting in high unemployment to the increased suicide rates. Our advice is that if your feeling really really down and out, fed up, depressed, feeling like there is no way out of your current situation….then your probably George Osbourne and should seek urgent advice.

President Obama’s Inauguration has been all over the news.
It was a big glitzy affair for President Obama at his inauguration which ended in an Inauguration ball. Part of this included soul singer Alicia Keys performing a version of “Girl on Fire” instead cleverly changing the words to “Obamas on fire”. We were expecting security around the president to be so tight that his bouncers would run on with a massive bucket of water and completely soak the president. Sadly this didn’t happen.

It was funny to watch all the Americans waving their little american flags, wearing American flagged  hats and clothes, getting all patriotic and turning up in their thousands just to see the president …silly Americans…we don’t do things like that here in the UK! Well apart from the Royal Wedding….and the Jubilee, oh and the Olympics, and  I’m looking forward to waving around my little Union Jack flag for the Royal baby. But other than that, no, we aren’t like the Americans at all.

It has been reported that Bradley Wiggins is not likely to be defending his Tour de France title

Bradley Wiggins has said it is unlikely he will be defending his Tour de France title this year as his team-mate Chris Froome will be leading Team Sky. Wiggins has also claimed that he shaved off his sideburns in a bid to avoid becoming an idol as he doesn’t want to be seen as a celebrity and by getting rid of his side burns people will stop dressing as him etc. We wouldn’t worry about it Bradley, your never going to make the papers as much as Lance Armstrong.

Celebrity Big Brother

Although not huge Celebrity Big Brother fans we did notice that as part of a task former X-Factor contestant Rylan Clarke had to shave off part of his beard of which he chose his sideburns. He seemed to be very annoyed by this so it makes perfect sense that perhaps Bradley Wiggins could have donated his sideburns to Rylan?

According to reports, Big Brother fans have been outraged after it has been revealed that Rylan has been allowed to secretly leave the house rehearse for the X-Factor tour. We understand exactly how fans feel about this, the fact that Rylan is still trying to sing and dance is a complete outrage.

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I sincerely apologise… for getting caught…

I didn’t watch Lance Armstrong’s pre-recorded two and half hour interview. Although I did watch the first question. Basically, he admitted to cheating – which was as about as unsurprising as Bruce Forsyth telling a bad joke.

Armstrong’s admission of guilt was delivered in a voice as deadpan as John Major delivering details of the UK’s GDP output in the 2nd quarter and with all the remorse of a lion apologising to ram and ewe for eating their child whilst wearing a white woolly jumper and having mint source smeared all over it’s face.

The whole interview between him an Ms Winfrey was intriguing and played out like one big soap Oprah…

For me though, Armstrong was an athlete who won the toughest test of physical endurance 7 times in a row. However, for many people Armstrong is an inspiration, having recovered from cancer (which he’s alleged to have also taken drugs for) he would have given millions of people hope.

Having recovered (effectively winning his toughest battle), he then went on to cheat at the Tour de France and adopt a ‘win at all costs’ mentality; the sad thing was that he’d already won. His actions were akin to Tiger Woods winning the US Masters and then cheating on a game of crazy golf (or Tiger Woods marrying a Swedish supermodel and then cheating on her with a barmaid…).

I have little time for drugs cheats, the Canadian athlete Ben Johnson’s career was severely tarnished after he failed a drugs test… that said… his poems were still good though…

I also have little time for drugs (save for legal medicines – it’s hard to dispute that they have a great worth) and the closest I’ve ever come to taking illegal drugs was when I swallowed an E whilst I was at university – I was the most stressful game of scrabble I’ve ever had… Ironically, I was playing against Armstrong himself and he used the E to expand PO (the name of a teletubby) to EPO (whatever that is…).

It’s hard to fathom Armstrong’s admission that he only took drugs in order to compete with other cyclists, although it was noticeable that Oprah didn’t admit to pumping herself full of steroids in order to oust Ellen DeGeneres, Jay Leno and David Letterman as the most popular chatshow host in the US.

On a similar note, Armstorng denied the US Droping Agency’s claim that he masterminded the most sophisticated doping programme ever created, something he modestly batted away (surely it should be something to be proud of?) claiming that he just didn’t take drugs during races – which is a bit like a man who stole the Crown Jewels confessing in Court that he only managed to do it because the Tower of London had been left unguarded with the doors wide open – which wouldn’t happen as G4S don’t hold the contract to guard the Tower of London…

The admission of Armstrong and the timing of it is unusual, it’s alleged that he has confessed now as he wants to start competing in triathlons… he’s said to be looking forward to cheating in three separate sports…

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WOWS News Round Up January 17th 2013

Waste of Web Space and been going through the newspapers this week….

The Daily Mail is reporting today that two crane drivers are the luckiest men in Britain. They should have been in the crane above a sky scraper when a helicopter crashed into it, however they overslept… They might think they are lucky but now they have a lot more work to do on the building. Obviously the moral of the story is stay in bed and be late for work every single day.

The Sun is reporting on Katie Price’s third marriage. Here at Waste of Web Space we are looking forward to the Philip Schofield and Fern Britton presented All Star Mr & Mrs on ITV and the episode featuring Katie Price. Its going to be called “Mr & Mr & Mr and Mrs”

The Mirror Newspaper  is reporting on the decline of Blockbuster video rental.Waste of Web Space has heard that the Administrators of Blockbuster have announced plans to make a film about its demise . We wouldn’t mind renting that out when it’s released. The other issue of course for Blockbuster was the erotic film and porn industry which has seen its industry flourish online. The problem for Blockbuster was that short bald men just couldn’t reach the top shelf. Failing to move the DVDs down a shelf or two has probably cost it millions.

Several newspapers are also reporting on Lance Armstrong and the TV interview in which he comes clean about using performing enhancing drugs throughout his cycling career, it is believed that he wants to return to cycling competitions – We suppose that if they don’t let him return to competitive cycling then he should probably look to try another Sport? One that is perhaps clean of scandals such as drug use…perhaps Horseracing?

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On your bike… well… maybe not…

It seems that after I wrote about Amazon’s dominance of the audio and visual media retailing market on Thursday, HMV has now been placed into Administration. I can’t imagine that this ‘blog was the tipping point, but you never know? Perhaps when I state that I’m surprised something hasn’t happened, the WOWS ‘blog has the power to make it come true? If that is the case, then obviously I’m as surprised by this news as I am at the news that no-one has ever transferred £1million into my bank account and that Piers Morgan has never been roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

However, something that doesn’t surprise me is that a cyclist has taken performance enhancing drugs. One thing that does disappoint me is that one of the cyclists alleged to have taken them is former 7-time Tour de France winner, charity fundraiser and alleged human pin-cushion Lance Armstrong. Armstrong pretty much had it all, but now the Armstrong bubble has been bust with such force that anyone would have thought it was punctured by an almighty Lance…

A slight pause for thought might be to say that Armstrong was competing in a field of competitors amongst whom doping was rife and yet he still won the Tour de France on 7 occasions, so in effect he doped really well and managed to beat several cheats, albeit whilst cheating himself.

Not many sports suffer drugs problems. Football is a slight exception, particularly when the accusation was made that Fabio Capello had forced the England football team to take performance-enhancing drugs during the 2008 World Cup. The claims were said to be false after tests adjudged that England’s performance hadn’t been enhanced and were instead scientifically classified as been ‘f*cking sh*t’…

In terms of cheating in sport, cycling is difficult to top, particularly as Armstrong’s titles haven’t been re-allocated yet as it’s difficult to identify who was and wasn’t cheating – the 2003 title may now be going to Jacob Straw, aged 7 from Buckinghamshire, who is one of the few known cyclists not to have taken drugs and he rode his bike in the Dordogne whilst on his summer holiday with his Mummy and Daddy.

That said, it’s easy to criticise, but I once saw James Toesland and Valentino Rossi in a race and they were definitely cheating – their bikes even had engines on them…

For Armstrong, his road to redemption takes the unusual turn this week as he appears on the Oprah Winfrey show. Armstrong flew from his Texan home to Winfrey’s studio in New York to be interviewed – I’m presuming he used an airplane, but I suppose it depends how many performance enhancing drugs he’s actually taken.

The content of the interview is still being kept under wraps with Winfrey saying that he ‘did not come clean in the way she expected’ perhaps she thought he might have had the decency to own up in a Court of Law? Or in one of the interviews when he claimed that he’d taken over 400 tests and never failed once (the only slight controversy being in 2001 when he poured orange juice into urine sample instead of weeing and tested positive for being an orange – which technically didn’t count as doping, as vitamin C isn’t a banned substance).

The main reason that Armstrong is allegedly considering confessing all is that he wants to cycle again having cycled for many years previously; to this end, he recently went to a hearing with cycling’s governing body. The hearing didn’t go well; he left disappointed and threw all his glass bottles and cardboard into the wheelie bin on the way out… he was told that he’d never be able to re-cycle…

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