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#ShopTweetsNowtOnTV

This week myself (Jimbo) and Fisher have been tweeting about shops, here are a few things we had to say. All views are our own.

Thorntons – a chocolate shop until it melted during summer

Miss Selfridge – once duped someone into buying a fridge

Carphone Warehouse – sells phones shaped like cars

Comet – has a large tail of dust coming off the side of every store

Big Man Shop – sells clothes to fat men without having an awkward shop name to say that they sell clothes to fat men

WH Smiths: is a stationery shop so it has never moved once

Game – there’s no sign of any Pheasant or Venison in there

GAP – this shop sells________ at a reasonable price

Pets at Home – I took my dog there, he felt very much at home and chewed the furniture

Next….

PC World – they ensure that there is no sexism, racism or homophobia in their stores

GT News – a paper shop until it blew away in the wind

B&Q – if you’re rude towards people in there, you’re told to mind your B&Q’s

He Runs She Runs – straight out when they see the prices

Tesco – is Lord Sebastian Coe’s sister

Poundstretcher – worth pointing out you shouldn’t vandalise a pound coin as it has the queens face on it

Bank – ran into financially difficulty, so it received a huge bailout and is now 74% owned by the taxpayer

Marks & Spencer’s – this isn’t just any tweet this is an M&S tweet

House of Fraser: Niles Crane was said to be furious about the naming of this store

Early Learning Centre – never been able to buy anything from there as they only accept plastic coins

Poundland: would be screwed if we ever adopted the Euro

All Saints – a clothes shop that you can buy Mother Theresa, Santa Claus and Pope costumes from.

JD Sports – include pub golf and beer pong (but with Jack Daniels, obviously)

Boots – they sell pretty much everything apart from boots!?

Currys – started out by selling chicken tikka masala and naan breads

IKEA – if you want to go in this shop you have to assemble it first

Land of Leather – is the name of the island inhabited by David Dickinson and Judith Chalmers

For more Tweets like this follow @JimboStudios and @CFishTank for more Tweets Nowt On TV every Sunday night.

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#MusicTweetsNowtOnTV

This week Jimbo & Fisher opted to tweet about Music and in particular bands/artists. Here a few of the highlights. Remember to follow @jimbostudios and @CFishTank on Twitter for more Tweets every Sunday evening from 10.15pm (its better than TOWIE).

The Good, The Bad and The Queen – are the nicknames of the 3 male judges on Strictly Come Dancing

MC Hammer – a useful tool for them MC’s who just won’t quite fit behind the decks

Beyonce – should dump Jay-Z and marry GMTV presenter Andrew Castle

Usher – I’m sick of him telling me where to sit at his gigs, I wish he would just sing

The White Stripes – their tour bus goes really quickly thanks to the way it’s decorated

UB40 – a quick abrievation if your in a rush and writing someone’s 40th birthday card

Rolling Stones – would be what happens in a game of curling if there was no ice

The Police – pulled me over for drink driving I asked “how can you tell?” they said “every breath you take”

Fatboy Slim- should make his mind up about his weight issues

Spice Girls – started their early career performing in Indian Restaurants

Elbow- I can’t tell them apart from a rival band who are called Arse

Green Day – the lead singer hibernates throughout the whole of September

Jet- as a band, they never really took off

Queen – she hasn’t been the same since Freddie Mercury died bless her

Razorlight- whilst on tour, the lead singer once had his Mach 3 stolen

Professor Green – loves cluedo, cant decide if his favourite character is Professor Plum or Reverend Green

Franz Ferdinand- if their lead singer was shot, it would probably trigger World War 3

Plan B – Hasn’t always had it great, his first plan to be a musical success failed

Paris Hilton – her singing wasn’t great but the videos were good and I’m not talking about the ones on MTV

The Coral- I’d bet they’re a better band than The Ladbrokes and The William Hill

Akon – an R&B artist who also is in business fitting ventilation/cooling systems

The Vaccines- a lot of people hate their music – but I’m immune to it

Weezer – they had terrible asthma

Adele- a type of laptop, they’re better than a Hewlett Packard or an Acer

Lighthouse Family – their career hit the rocks

Editors- aren’t responsible if their journalists hack innocent people’s mobile phones

Johnny Cash – his friends always asked him for spare change for the condom machine

Right Said Fred – word of warning! don’t ever buy the Right Said Fred official sat nav!

Blur- Ozzy Osbourne would describe his daily life as one of these

Atomic Kitten – their album sales were only good due to an Al Qaeda admin error

The Corrs- so called because men often watched them perform and said “corr… look at them

Abba – were supposed to be named Abba but their manager wrote their name backwards on the registration form

Blue- they had 4 members, I think they were called, Duncan, James, Lee and Ryan

Dizzee Rascal – a rap artist who took a nasty blow to the head and now can’t spell

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The Egg Quiz

Here is a snippet of Jimbo’s Sunday Roast on Penistone FM. Jimbo has an easter based quiz for fellow Penistone FM presenter Ian France. It is pretty much an impossible to win quiz!

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#JobsTweetsNowtOnTV

With unemployment at record lows Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) attempt another #TweetsNowtOnTV this time #JobTweetsNowtOnTV in order to get people thinking about all the different types of jobs there might be out there. Disclaimer This definitly won’t help you find work

Zoo Keeper – Looks after animals and trashy teenage boy magazines

Butcher – famous butchers include Pat and Frank

Cobbler – makes shoes and the road in Corrie

Funeral Director – My local director had to take a day off ill recently, he had a cough-in’ fit

Taxi driver – this tweet will be here shortly, honestly it’s just around the corner

Dental Nurse – look after sick Dentists

GP – a race between doctors around the surgery

Zookeeper – is what you call a hoarder of trashy weekly magazines read by teenage boys

Charity worker – I was once one of these but was sacked for staying at home, I said “charity starts at home

Actor – this is a job that most people who live outside of Hollyoaks can do

Window Salesman – sells Microsoft products

Radiographer – don’t actually play that much music

Builder – I once saw a builder ride into a bar on a horse and shoot someone, he was a cowboy builder

Meter Reader – small men who walk around reading books

Prostitute – I once visited one of these, she said afterwards, “it was a business doing pleasure with you

Psychotherapist – went to see one of these but they chased me with a knife

Personal Trainers – trainers that you have had your initials stitched onto

Lollipop Lady – Long thin lady with a sticky head

 

Typist – they are always drunk while they are working

Sewage workers – they can’t really complain if they think their job is shit

Lollipop Ladies – are long thin ladies with a sticky headingMystery Shopper – they have no idea why they are out shopp

Chocolatier – like chocolate fingers but ears

Paper Boy – a boy made out of paper

Venetian blind fitter – if it wasn’t for them, it would be curtains for everyone

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