Tag Archives: harry redknapp

A dog’s life…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, although one gay man did get back to me to thank me for not using old-fashioned stereotypes. He also offered to buy me some flowers as an act of goodwill, commenting that begonias, azaleas, hyacinths, daffodils and fuchsias were all quite nice at this time of year and they would match my carpets – I chose something else though and I was hugely impressed with the pansy…

Anyhow, it’s time for today’s topic and you might be interested to hear (but probably won’t) that I’ve never owned an animal. As a result of this I don’t really pay much attention to the latest animal news, so I was surprised to see that every dog in the UK will have to have a chip in it by 2016. Most people were supportive of this – although the people of Scotland were said to be reluctant to give away any chips…

Part of the reasoning for the above is because the cost of looking after lost or abandoned dogs is estimated to be £57million (that’s for the 100,000 lost/abandoned dogs per year – not per dog). That said, it still equates to £570 per dog, so it’s hardly cheap and the dog itself wouldn’t be able to pay it – unless it was as rich as Harry Redknapp’s dog, allegedly.

Many high profile dogs have gone missing in recent years, this included Bruce Forsyth’s daughter’s dog which went missing a few years ago and led to Bruce (bizarrely) appearing on the news appealing for the dog’s return – there were fears that the cold weather and the loneliness of situation would lead to him being confused and looking emaciated… and people were also concerned about the dog…

Looking after a dog must be something that is incredibly difficult and I know this from personal experience. On one occasion, I looked after a dog for a few weeks and I really struggled when it came to putting his pedigree chum out for him every lunchtime – I made a right dog’s dinner of things…

To be fair, I don’t have much to do with dogs anyway as I have a bit of a phobia stemming back to an incident in my childhood when I was bitten on the backside by a german shepard – and the german shepard also had a dog, which was an alsatian I think…

There was also some tragic cat news today when is was revealed that Stewie, the world’s longest domestic cat measuring a whopping 1.23 metres used up its ninth live and died in Nevada in the United States – presumably to take up a new career as a draft excluder. This comes just 6 months after the death of the world’s fattest cat who died in London in the United Kingdom… he used to wear a bowler hat, smoked a massive cigar and worked as an investment banker…

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Speculation Deadline Day…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, although David Beckham rang me up to say that he thought my comments insinuating that he wasn’t very clever were a bit offensive.

Because I know he sometimes dressed up in women’s clothes, I told him not to get his knickers in a twist. Beckham’s response was that he lives in Paris now, so he only wears French knickers. I asked how he found wearing French knickers and he said that they were comfortable, but they were a bit difficult to take down when he goes for a oui…

Anyhow, it’s time to stop ‘blogging about David Beckham and start ‘blogging about today’s subject: football.

Yesterday saw what I thought was the final day for people to get temporary tattoos until the end of the football season – it was transfer deadline day…

It then transpired that the transfer deadline was the last day to sign footballer players; presumably to play football, although in the case of Peter Crouch, he’s probably better at doing other things like putting items on high shelves (it’s slightly ironic that such a tall man is called Crouch – perhaps he’s so called because that’s what he has to do when walks through a door frame).

Some of the transfers on the final day were quite over excessive, with Queen’s Park Rangers deciding that they should buy some footballers instead of just playing the people who a look after places like Hyde Park and Regent’s Park.

One of QPR’s big signings was Christopher Samba for over £10m. Samba celebrated by doing a latin dance (although I don’t know which one…). Whilst the wages that Samba is being paid do appear to be excessive (over £100,000 per week) his new manager Harry Redknapp was quick to say that he’s taking a cut in wages as he didn’t pay tax on his wages in Russia – not paying tax obviously being something Reknapp knows a lot about, allegedly…

It’s hard to imagine quite why football players chose to tie themselves into 3 year contracts earning in excess of £50,000 per week, but I’d suspect it’s because they get to earn in excess of £50,000 a week for 3 years. That amount of money is bonkers, I mean with £50,000 per week you could probably buy many luxury items – such as a ticket to a Premier League game and half a pint of larger whilst you’re there (okay, I may be being a bit unrealistic there).

My transfer deadline man of the day however was Peter Odemwingie (who annoyed his club West Brom so much that he’s now called Peter Odembigtime) and who decided to turn up at QPR’s Loftus Road ground in the hope that they’d want to buy him (despite him not contractually being allowed to do that – it was the most unusual ‘turning up’ of a football player since Gazza rocked up with a fishing rod and some cans of Carling).

Odemwingie managed to alienate his employers, his club’s fans and his teammates – which as alienations go, is almost as big as Mars (‘alien nation’, you see?)… After his shameful display, he was then told to leave the club’s training ground on Friday and head home… unfortunately he got confused and headed back to QPR’s ground again… who said footballers were stupid…

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WOWS Review of 2012 Ep1

Jimbo & Fisher are here with the Waste of Web Space Review of the Year episode 1. This episode is set in a supermarket with Jimbo & Fisher on the look out for celebrity shoppers. Fisher invents a game called “What has Antony Worrall Thompson stolen”.

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#LuxuryTweetsNowtOnTV

More #TweetsNowtOnTV and this time Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and (@CFishTank) spent their 14o characters tweeting all about luxuries!

Jimbo @JimboStudios

Limo – I could just afford one of these, but it was a stretch

Spa Day – I once went for a spa day. I bought a newspaper, a packet of chocolate fingers and a lottery ticket

Champagne – the England football team don’t drink much of this

The Ritz – is really expensive for a cracker biscuit

Holiday Home – lots of celebrities have these but Jimmy Savile had a camper van, he said it helped him feel young

Fur Coat – Animal rights campaigners don’t like these. I think it’s because they are too expensive

Motorboat – I was offered a cheap one these because the motor was broken, it’s on sale now

Limousine – My girlfriend has asked for one of these, I can probably just afford one but it will be a stretch

Super King Sized Bed – sounds like a huge bed but actually it’s only the size of a cigarette packet

Gold Filling – I once wrote to Jim’ll fix it asking for these, kind of regret it now

Swimming Pool – having one of these is a luxury..unless your Michael Barrymore

En-Suite – I want a house with one these but they are quite expensive. I will look for one that’s bog standard

Heated Toilet Seat – I really want one of these, they are shit hot

Fisher @CFishTank

Las Vegas Strip – a place in the USA…or what Prince Harry did

Travelling first class – is an upmarket thing to do – although I’d say travelling via post is a cheap thing to do

Burberry – they used to have a really luxury brand – but their recent history has been quite checkered.

Selfridges – this luxury department store has recently diversified its product range – they now sell freezers as well

Upmarket tailored suits – you can buy these from London’s Savile Row – although this road may now have to be renamed…

A Tag Heuer watch: I lost mine – I was going to look for it, but I didn’t have the time…

The Las Vegas Strip – is home to many upmarket large hotels… and is what Prince Harry did

Armani – Silvio Berlusconi has a pair of these Italian jeans – you can find them on the floor of a woman’s bedroom

Canapé – is what you call it when a Scottish person can’t afford something…

Dyson ball cleaner – a lad who I know got confused about the proper use of this – she regrets that mistake now…

Chanel No. 5 – make high quality perfume – but the television programmes they show are awful

Extra thick toilet paper – some people think it’s important – although I don’t have a roll for it in my bathroom…

Offshore bank accounts – these are held by numerous wealthy people – and the dogs of football managers…

The American Express Black Card – is a credit card for wealthy people, like footballers – but John Terry hates them…

Being driven by a chauffeur: is a great luxury – as long as he isn’t drunk and heading through a tunnel in Paris

Polo: is a game played on horses – I think you have to hit a ball through a hole on a minty sweet

If you enjoyed these Tweets then please follow Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) on Twitter!

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