Tag Archives: David Miliband

Mili-banned…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it once again received no ‘likes’, which made it about as popular as Gordon Ramsey in the family enclosure at a football game – I hope you think that f*cking analogy is f*cking amusing Gordon, you f*cking potty-mouthed tw*t.     

 

I was a bit surprised that yesterday’s ‘blog didn’t get any correspondence from the students of Oxford or Cambridge University, but they said that I didn’t go to either of their Universities, so I may as well not bother existing. I did get one message from a keen rowing fan who told me that I should be embarrassed by the fact that I wrote a ‘blog containing so many woeful rowing puns – so I wrote back to him telling him not to stick his oar in…

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about David Miliband – who has recently taken on the job as CEO of a large charity based in New York. This has resulted in him resigning as MP for South Shields… and as Board Member of Sunderland FC – he also tried to resign as Ed Miliband’s brother, although he wasn’t allowed (in spite of giving official notice of his resignation on the grounds that Ed Miliband was a cheeky little f*cker who stole David’s dream job).    

 

By the way, ‘Miliband’ is obviously an unusual name, and it’s not often you hear the word ‘Miliband’ – it certainly isn’t a phrase that was said when News International made their list of approved people who’s phones they were going to hack…

 

In spite of what I said earlier, David Miliband didn’t actually resign as a Board Member of Sunderland FC because of his new job – or even because they are terrible at football. 

 

He instead resigned because the club appointed Paolo Di Canio as their manager. Miliband said that he disagreed with Di Canio’s previously reported political views. Di Canio is alleged to have said that he was ‘a fascist, but not a racist’… or ‘a racist, but not a fascist’ – let’s be honest, neither of them is a particularly good thing or have very appealing connotations…

 

Perhaps we should give this alleged fascist/racist a second chance? Let’s be honest, only an absolute Nazi would pre-judge someone in such a way…

 

To be fair to Di Canio, we should perhaps focus on all of his on-the-field actions, instead of his off-the-field views… things like pushing the referee over, that happened on-the-field… but in all seriousness, Di Canio was a wonderful footballer and one of the finest to play in the Premiership… he played on the right wing…

 

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Gathering no moss…

I’m back on an even keel now in terms of there being no feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog for the second day running. It received no ‘likes’ – which made it about as successful as England’s attempt at playing football in the second half against Montenegro yesterday, which was highly woeful – even by England’s pisspoor standards.

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from the Miliband brothers following my slightly derogatory comments about them yesterday – although I’m advised that they’re currently arguing with each other in terms of who should get in touch with me (apparently they’re both as keen as mustard to get in touch – and even through David would be the right person to write to me, Ed appears to be hell-bent on de-railing things and doing the job himself). 

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about old people and by old people, I mean REALLY old people – or as they prefer to be called ‘The Rolling Stones’. 

 

The Rolling Stones have decided to play Glastonbury for the first time. It will be an unusual turn of events for them in terms of playing Glastonbury as it is a place synonymous with students partying, alcohol and getting involved in casual drug use – or as Keith Richards would call the regular festival goes, ‘a bunch of bloody amateurs’.

 

Not only are the Rolling Stones playing Glastonbury, but they’re headlining the Pyramid Stage, where recent headliners have included Stevie Wonder – if you didn’t see his performance a few years ago, then it’s alright as neither did he…

 

Another recent headliner was U2 in 2011… that was after they pulled out of headlining in 2010 after Bono hurt his spine… I’m not surprised his spine was hurting… it must be bend double given that he’s spent the last 25 years with his head stuck up his own arse…

 

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Win, Lose or Draw… Draw… and Draw…

Usual service has been resumed and there wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog. It received no ‘likes’ – which made it about as popular as Ed Miliband amongst hardcore Tory voters… and hardcore Labour voters.

 

On the subject of the Milibands, I was a bit surprised to hear that a friend of David Miliband’s had told the BBC that David Miliband is planning on quitting as an MP in order to move to New York. Ed Miliband is said to be pretty jealous of David – particularly the bit about him having a friend… 

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from any obsessed fans of health and safety regulations following my ‘blog about throwing flapjack – although I’m advised that the head of the Health and Safety Executive wrote to me complaining about the ‘blog, although he wouldn’t envelope the letter in case he gave himself a papercut on his lips when he licked the envelope.  

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about cricket (for the second time in as many weeks). I should now declare an interest and state that I’m a huge cricket fan, but I won’t bore you to death with the nitty-gritty of various cricket related chat (although I would absolutely love to as I’m a massive cricket fan – even the fact the Piers Morgan likes cricket doesn’t dissuade me from being a cricket fan).

 

Purely by chance I woke up to watch the end of this morning’s final test match between England and New Zealand where England’s Matt Prior and Monty Panesar successfully defied New Zealand for the final 19 balls of the game to ensure that England drew the series that had lasted 15 days… er… nil-nil.    

 

That really is the problem with cricket, which is that you can play for 5 days at a time and you can still draw more often than a teenage Pablo Picasso after he’d been given some new pencil crayons for Christmas – although most people would probably be able to make more sense of one of Picasso’s pictures than they would of the rules of cricket.

 

(If anyone is unaware, Picasso is an artist well know for his surrealism. Unfortunately, most people now hear the word ‘Picasso’ and instantly think of the Citroen people carriers – which are rubbish by the way, I bought one recently and the wing mirrors were both on the same side of the car…).

 

Anyhow, it was with great skill that Monty Panesar (a man who’s batting ability is more akin to Monty Burns) saved the series and ensured England drew in spite of the fact that they were fundamentally the worst team. Monty (whose batting contains more comedy than Monty Python) memorably also did this against Australia in the summer of 2009. What was his reward you may ask? He didn’t play for England again for another two and a half years. But still eh, thanks for today Monty, we’ll see you again in 2015.  

 

The cricket team shouldn’t be alone in being lauded for their ability to perform poorly and snatch a draw against mediocre opposition… this skill was demonstrated by England’s football team tonight against Montenegro… England were pretty rubbish to be honest and Montenegro are pretty poor… If England had lost to them and then didn’t qualify for the World Cup… it would Serb them right…

 

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