Tag Archives: david cameron

WOWS Podcast Ep.30 feat.Jimbos Gran – The Episode Where We Get a Bit Friendly

Jimbo & Fisher celebrate the 30th episode with a “Celebrity Friends” quiz for International Friendship Day.
Jimbo’s gran calls during recording and Fisher tests Jimbo out on his knowledge of trademark disputes.

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The profits are taking off…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, there were no formal ‘likes’, although a few people got in touch with me to say that I was a bit mean to One Direction given that I blatantly don’t know any of their music. One person even asked me if I could give the name of one of their albums. I’ll be honest, I couldn’t – and trying to think of the name of one of their albums kept me Up All Night and I was found wandering streets in the early hours; fortunately a family member happily came to Take Me Home…

I also got a Tweet from someone telling me to stop being so mean towards David Cameron as he’s a great Prime Minister, working in difficult circumstances and above all else he is a nice bit of eye-candy on these cold winter nights – that was from @Nick_Clegg…

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s subject which is about Heathrow airport; who coolly managed to make a profit of £46.4m in 2012. The owners of Heathrow are planning on doing one of the following with the profits:

a) Purchasing a 150ml can of Coca Cola on their next BA flight; or

b) They’re going to convert it at the airport’s bureau de change and they’re hoping to get around 3 euros for it.

Heathrow are not without operational issues though and there appears to be an inherent problem with one of the airport buildings – which apparently is a Terminal problem…

The tidy profits for the airport will go to the airport’s owner, the British Airport Association (more commonly known as the BAA). To be fair, the Government has taken action to prevent the BAA from making super-profits and they were forced to sell Stansted Airport – which was the black sheep in BAA’s family…

I’ve never been to Heathrow airport, although I used to watch a documentary about an airport which was filmed there about 15 years ago – although I’m not sure what the airport programme was called.

The last airport I went to was Manchester airport and I had a great time, although I wasn’t too impressed with the Yo Sushi they had there – all the food on the conveyor belt tasted suspiciously like suitcases…

In all honesty, I’d never willingly go to Heathrow… as I’ve always thought ‘Heathrow’ is a description of what a baggage handler would do… similarly I’d never willing go to Luton airport… as I’ve always thought ‘Luton airport’ is a description of what a baggage handler would do…

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His career’s heading in One Direction…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog. Actually these was no feedback at all, so I’m guessing everyone was just pleased to be alive after the asteroid missed the earth by 17,200 miles.

No doubt this great news meant that the thousands of WOWS ‘blog readers didn’t have the chance to show their appreciation of yesterday’s ‘blog (in case anyone is interested, we recorded the third WOWS podcast yesterday and then straight afterwards we interviewed a woman who looks after a pig and takes him for a walk on a lead – by the way, the pig was massive and was easily the biggest bore since the last series of The Only Way Is Essex started…

Anyhow, it’s time to crack on with today’s ‘blog which is about David Cameron who got fed up of hanging about with George Osborne, Nick Clegg, Michael Gove, Boris Johnson & Danny Alexander and he’s now appearing in One Direction’s video – he’s basically gone from hanging around 5 annoying men to hanging around with 5 annoying boys.

Cameron’s appearance in the One Direction video is because it’s Comic Relief and One Direction are singing the official Comic Relief song this year. One of the most recent offerings for Comic Relief was from Peter Kay and Matt Lucas (two people who can’t really sing), but this year they’ve gone to for One Direction (five people who can’t really sing).

David Cameron isn’t the first Politician to get involved in appearing on television programmes, Boris Johnson regularly appeared on Have I Got News For You; Michael Portillo presented a programme about the British railways (until he couldn’t afford it as the fares went up by 5% in the New Year – thanks a bunch National Rail) and Chris Huhne was a guest on Top Gear’s Star in a Reasonably Priced Car – although his laptime was credited to his wife…

That said David Cameron isn’t the first Prime Minister to appear on Comic Relief, 2 years ago Gordon Brown appeared and I’ve no idea what he did, presumably talk about ending ‘boom-and-bust’ or something – which to be fair he did… but now we just have bust…

Tony Blair also appeared on Comic Relief with Catherine Tate’s schoolgirl character Lauren… where she complained at him and he responded with her catchphrase ‘am I bovvered?’… it was a great comedy sketch, ‘Prime Minister, are you embarrassed that your decision to go to war in Iraqi has led to the death of thousands of innocent people?… “Am I bovvered”…

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You’re Gay, Right?

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog although I received an email accusing me of a variety of things, not least that my ‘blog was factually inaccurate and that I’d be made to pay for the unfair dispersions that I’d cast towards the main subjects of the ‘blog. Unfortunately the email was sent from the account Mr_and_Mrs_Huhne@gmail.com so I’m not sure who sent it – first I got a text from Chris Huhne saying that his ex-wife sent it, then Vicky Pryce Tweeted me to say that Chris Huhne sent it, then I had a voicemail saying it was sent by Vicky Pryce…

Goodness me! I hope they don’t do this kind of thing regularly – what a waste of valuable time (well, my time, so maybe it’s not that valuable) and resources this pair of bickering children are…

However, one thing you couldn’t accuse Chris Huhne of is being gay (even if his is a liberal). Chris Huhne likes women be it his wife (soon to be ex-wife) or a paid member of the Liberal Democrats 2010 election team (his current partner).

The reason I mentioned gay people in that paragraph is because today the House Commons voted to allow same-sex marriages. A lot of news channels referred to it as ‘allowing gay people to get married’ – which isn’t correct; they could get married previously, just not to people of the same sex. One news channel also referred to it as ‘allowing homosexuals to marry each other’ – which isn’t correct either; homosexuals could marry other homosexuals but it’d have to involve a gay man marrying a lesbian woman (some of whom look a bit like men, so therefore that would surely be a huge advantage to the gay man in this sham of a marriage?).

Personally, when I heard the news I was… well… I wasn’t really bothered to be honest. I don’t see myself as being remotely affected by this, save from the fact I get to write ‘blog about it which may or may not contain smutty references towards gay culture (I’ll try to keep them to a minimum). Anyhow, why should we prevent a gay man from putting a ring on his boyfriend’s finger? (I failed).

The views of the major Political parties were interesting, Ed Miliband said it was a great move for people in love – and he also suggested bringing in Civil Partnerships for heterosexual couples…

Nick Clegg said it was a ‘great day for equality and it allows for people to be treated fairly and equally within their relationship’… before he then headed home to iron one of David Cameron’s shirts…

The Conservatives were a little different with around 140 of them voting against the bill, with one Tory MP saying, “the view was that this was going to show us as a party in touch, well, we have done. The nation is divided, we have shown ourselves as a party to be divided.” Those were the words of David Burrowes MP, who’s the Minister for putting a positive spin on a bad situation – he also went on to say that the genocide occurring in Syria was ‘dreadful… but at least it isn’t snowing over there’

After such a stupid comment, I’m surprised Burrowes hasn’t gone underground… to be fair thought, the nation is divided on the question of same-sex marriage… and how could the Tories show themselves to be more in touch? Well… I think people in general could form the opinion that all people are equal for starters… there’s no need to look down your nose at people with such utter disdain as though they’re sub-human scum… even if they are Tory MPs…

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Are EU in or are EU out?

There wasn’t a huge amount of feedback regarding yesterday’s ‘blog – although I do fear that a high powered lawyer representing an oil refining firm may wander up and serve me with Court papers. Also, my thanks go to the person who pointed out that the Deepwater Horizon oil rig extracted oil via the largest bore in the world. The largest bore in the world?!? What did Katie Price’s new ITV2 documentary have to do with things?

Anyway, on to the topic of today’s ‘blog: Europe.

Wasn’t The Final Countdown a brilliant song? (Surely the song title is factually incorrect though given that Countdown is still on Channel 4 every weekday?).

Sorry, I’m talking about the wrong Europe… I’ll ‘blog about that big continent thing that exists on the massive Eurasian tectonic plate instead – which is the 3rd largest plate in the world after the North American plate and Eamonn Holmes’ dinner plate.

The issue of Europe was re-ignited last week when David Cameron announced a simple referendum on whether we should be part of the EU, the referendum was said to be basic to understand with the possible responses being ‘in’ or ‘out’ (and potentially ‘shake it all about’, but I’m not too sure).

The vote will be the first ‘in’ or ‘out’ referendum since the ill-fated 1996 referendum on which type of belly-button you prefer – what a waste of money that was (or should I have said, ‘what a waist of money that was’?).

I’m led to believe that Cameron’s actions are an attempt to placate the Conservative backbenchers who are Eurosceptics. Personally I’m not a Eurosceptic – although I did once think I may have been given a fake 5 Euro note…

I don’t really see why there’s a need to be scared of Europe (unless they elect Silvio Berlusconi as President – that said, the Vice President he chooses should be easy on the eye). Also, the whole of central Europe now appears to be ruled by Germany – which didn’t really go down that well on the last two occasions they tried to do that.

There’s a lot to be thankful towards Europe for, whilst many people dislike the freedom of movement for foreign workers, it has taken David Beckham off our hands for the next 6 months – and more importantly, it’s also got rid of Posh Spice for a while.

Beckham is moving to play football in Paris and was keen to deny that the standard of his football was no longer up to scratch – he said that the Disneyland team he’s now going to be part of is pretty good… although I’d say they’re a fairly Mickey Mouse team…

Beckham to be fair is like many foreign workers and it’s believed that he’s keen to learn the language. Apparently he has already built up a vocabulary of 50 or so basic words… and now he needs to translate them into French…

It’s hard to know what would happen to this country if we withdrew from the EU, however I’d suspect that a lot of people would lose their jobs – in particular Members of the European Parliament such as Nigel Farage and Nick Griffin… so perhaps pulling out of the EU might not be that bad after all…

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WOWS News Round Up January 28th 2013

The route of the new high-speed train network linking Birmingham to Manchester and Leeds is announced
The transport secretary has announced the route which apparently stop at 5 stations. The route was actually supposed to be announced a couple of weeks ago but instead the announcement was delayed due to a shortage of staff, it was then cancelled until further notice and then they decided to do the announcement on a replacement bus service instead. There has been a lot of criticism of the proposed route due to the fact it cuts through the picturesque country side – by this we don’t think they are referring to Birmingham. The Department For Transport has claimed the new high-speed rail will reduce journey times by half which is good because that means we will only be stuck on the platform for half an hour rather than a full hour.

French troops have taken control of Timbuktu airport in Mali
French led troops who are fighting in Mali against Islamist rebels have taken control of the airport in key city Timbuktu. This is quite an achievement as we have always been led to believe Timbuktu was impossible to get to. Imagine the instructions to the troops. “You must get from here to Timbuktu”. That particular phrase has commonly been used in the past to describe a very, very far away location, virtually impossible to get to. So the fact that the troops have managed it is great. Although the fact that there is an airport in Timbuktu probably suggest that it’s not that impossible to get to and perhaps they should re-work the phrase. Possibly to “from here down to the next junction on the M62” would nowadays be a more appropriate phrase as the M62 is more impossible to conquer in terms of travel.

Iran claims it has sent a monkey into space

Iran is claiming that it has successfully flown a monkey into space and back and takes Iran one step closer to achieving a manned space flight. Obviously Iran is quite far behind the likes of the US and Russia but it is a great achievement for them. In comparison to our British achievements Iran sending to a monkey into space is about the same as the UK’s David Beckham finally learning how to tie his shoe laces or David Cameron remembering to take his young daughter home from the pub. The last achievement for the UK involving a primate and space was quite recently when Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney volleyed a shot over the crossbar out of Old Trafford and into space which hit a man called Felix who was stargazing, this resulted in Felix losing his balance who then fell 20 odd miles from his rocket.

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WOWS News Round Up January 24th 2013

Eden Hazard kicks ball boy

The latest football controversy now. Chelsea’s Eden Hazard kicked a ball boy for refusing to give the ball back during Chelsea’s bore draw against Swansea which saw the Swans through to the final of the League Cup.

In all fairness the ball boy did seem to make a bit of a meal of it….the situation that is not the ball, which at the time the ball boy seemed to be actually trying to eat the ball the way he was protecting it. It is a shame that the ball boy who was probably an academy player for Swansea put on this over the top reaction after being tapped in the ribs, what kind of role model is he to the Chelsea and Swansea players on the pitch? Do we want to see our professional footballers looking up to ball boy theatrics and diving tactics? Footballers are not known for diving and being theatrical so we don’t want these so-called ball boys encouraging that.

Hazard and the ball boy apparently met up afterwards to make up but the ball boy threw Hazard back on the pitch. A lot of people are sympathising with the young lad but surely he was made aware of the Hazards involved in being a ball boy?

David Cameron’s speech on Europe

This has been all over the news this week however we were disappointed with the speech. He didn’t even establish which of the 80’s Swedish rock band’s few hits were his favourite? Personally our favourite song is the most popular of their hits “The Final Countdown” but he didn’t even mention this once. Is this the kind of person we want leading the country? At least, Ed Miliband would have told us about his favourite songs even if it wasn’t Europe. Apparently he likes the Dave Miller Band

The National TV Awards

It was the National TV Awards this week. TV has changed so much over the years so competition to win these awards must be a lot tougher especially with multi-channels, on demand and online television. In fact we noticed that midway through the NTA’s just as they were about the announce the winner for best dramatic performance, we spotted host Dermot O’Leary get out his tv remote and pause the whole thing while he nipped off to the toilet. We were actually a little disappointed that London Mayor Boris Johnson wasn’t nominated for best dramatic performance after his performance on the zip wire during the London Olympics.  We would have also liked to have seen Lance Armstrong for best actor, lets face it, 7 years he kept it up for. The Great British Bake Off also lost out to Paul O’Grady’s For The Love of Dogs which took the award for Best Factual Entertainment programme. This gave us an idea, why not merge these two popular tv shows creating a homeless dog cookery programme? They could call it…The Great British Bark Off?

Build a snowman to prevent floods

This strange government directive has been in the news this week. Following the heavy snow across the UK over the past week or so the government are growing worried about the big thaw then leading the floods. So an environment agency spokesman has apparently advised that if we all build snowmen it could help reduce the risk. This is all well and good but wouldn’t this then result in a carrot shortage and an increase in flu and pneumonia due to the lack of scalfs and woolly hats. Despite this we followed the advice and built a snowman which has now amazingly and very kindly blocked up the bottom of our back and front doors with sandbags. It’s has also cleared our guttering and the drains outside the house. So it could well be true, Snowman can prevent flooding.

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