Tag Archives: Cricket

WOWS Podcast Ep.24 We Are Too Lazy to Run a Marathon So Here Is a Podcast

Jimbo hosts a game of “quicker or slower” celebrity London Marathon runners and Fisher gets to talk cricket, his favourite thing ever. 

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WOWS Podcast Ep.22 We Didn’t Tamper With Our Balls During the Recording of This Podcast…Or Did We?

Fisher & Jimbo would like to confirm that they did not tamper with their balls during the recording of this podcast and they didn’t drink and podcast either…..well not too much anyway.

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Win, Lose or Draw… Draw… and Draw…

Usual service has been resumed and there wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog. It received no ‘likes’ – which made it about as popular as Ed Miliband amongst hardcore Tory voters… and hardcore Labour voters.

 

On the subject of the Milibands, I was a bit surprised to hear that a friend of David Miliband’s had told the BBC that David Miliband is planning on quitting as an MP in order to move to New York. Ed Miliband is said to be pretty jealous of David – particularly the bit about him having a friend… 

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from any obsessed fans of health and safety regulations following my ‘blog about throwing flapjack – although I’m advised that the head of the Health and Safety Executive wrote to me complaining about the ‘blog, although he wouldn’t envelope the letter in case he gave himself a papercut on his lips when he licked the envelope.  

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s ‘blog, which is about cricket (for the second time in as many weeks). I should now declare an interest and state that I’m a huge cricket fan, but I won’t bore you to death with the nitty-gritty of various cricket related chat (although I would absolutely love to as I’m a massive cricket fan – even the fact the Piers Morgan likes cricket doesn’t dissuade me from being a cricket fan).

 

Purely by chance I woke up to watch the end of this morning’s final test match between England and New Zealand where England’s Matt Prior and Monty Panesar successfully defied New Zealand for the final 19 balls of the game to ensure that England drew the series that had lasted 15 days… er… nil-nil.    

 

That really is the problem with cricket, which is that you can play for 5 days at a time and you can still draw more often than a teenage Pablo Picasso after he’d been given some new pencil crayons for Christmas – although most people would probably be able to make more sense of one of Picasso’s pictures than they would of the rules of cricket.

 

(If anyone is unaware, Picasso is an artist well know for his surrealism. Unfortunately, most people now hear the word ‘Picasso’ and instantly think of the Citroen people carriers – which are rubbish by the way, I bought one recently and the wing mirrors were both on the same side of the car…).

 

Anyhow, it was with great skill that Monty Panesar (a man who’s batting ability is more akin to Monty Burns) saved the series and ensured England drew in spite of the fact that they were fundamentally the worst team. Monty (whose batting contains more comedy than Monty Python) memorably also did this against Australia in the summer of 2009. What was his reward you may ask? He didn’t play for England again for another two and a half years. But still eh, thanks for today Monty, we’ll see you again in 2015.  

 

The cricket team shouldn’t be alone in being lauded for their ability to perform poorly and snatch a draw against mediocre opposition… this skill was demonstrated by England’s football team tonight against Montenegro… England were pretty rubbish to be honest and Montenegro are pretty poor… If England had lost to them and then didn’t qualify for the World Cup… it would Serb them right…

 

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Player coaches…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it received no ‘likes’ – which is the same amount of likes that Chris Huhne is hoping he’ll receive when he bends over to pick up the soap on his first visit to showers in prison. 

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get a letter from the one-armed Brazilian window cleaner who I referred to yesterday’s ‘blog; although I’m advised that he struggled to fold his letter and put it in the envelope given that he only has one arm – and in addition, when he finally put the letter into the envelope, he kept trying to clean the window on the envelope which displayed the address…

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move onto today’s ‘blog, which is on the subject of cricket. I going to have to quickly Declare an interest and say that I am quite a big cricket fan – and in this respect I’m quite impressed that I’ve ‘blogged for 70 days (Matt) Prior to mentioning cricket. 

 

In any event, I’m not even going to talk about England, even if Steve Finn’s vigil at the crease on Sunday morning was a marathon effort (he batted so well that someone should have given him a Snickers) – the last time I spent that long at the crease, I was doing some ironing.

 

I’m not even going to mention the Bangladesh vs Sri Lanka test match where 8 centuries were scored on a cricket pitch which was flatter than the UK economic forecast and contained less life than the contents of a bush-tucker trial on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. 

 

Instead I’m going to mention Australia, who [amusingly] aren’t currently playing very well. Gone are the days when Australia had the great Shane Warne playing for them – instead he’s now only known for winning one of the early series of The X Factor. 

 

After their recent loss to India where Australia’s plans seemed to be more calamitous than an episode of Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em, the coach asked the players to go and think of 3 areas where the team could improve. Most players came back with the following 3 areas where they could improve:

 

1) Batting

 

2) Bowling

 

3) Fielding 

 

Although one unnamed player put as one of his answers, “find a coach who can identify where the problems are and the remedies to them, instead of the current incumbent who keeps asking the players to do it for him” and another one said, “get some players from South Africa to play for our national team – that’s what England do”.

 

Unfortunately, 4 players failed to text or email the coach with suggestions and this resulted in them being axed from their next match – a defeat to India in the 3rd test match which is due to start on Thursday.  

 

One of the players in question, Shane Watson, has said that he’ll now go away and consider his future as an international cricket player… and he’s decided that he wants to wins lots more test matches… so he won’t play for Australia again…

 

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