Tag Archives: Chris Huhne

A story about Brazil that’s absolutely nuts…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog (there were no ‘likes’), which made it about as popular as Antony Worrall Thompson in that annual event when you chase a block of cheese down the side of a massive hill in Gloucester – Worrall Thompson infamously turned up at the event every year between 2003 and 2007 and stole the block of cheese, thus ruining the event for everyone. 

 

I did get on message from a young woman saying that they thought the ‘blog was a little bit condescending towards females though. 

 

‘Condescending’?! That’s a long word for a woman to use…

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move onto today’s blog – and I’m going to talk about a Brazilian (not that kind of a Brazilian…). The Brazilian in question is a 22 year old student who crashed his car into a cyclist, the cyclist in question then had his arm torn clean off and the motorist in question drove off with the severed arm of the cyclist attached to his vehicle, which made for a gruesome sight – and probably the worst episode of Pimp My Ride ever… 

 

Whilst it’s easy to poke fun at this situation (a bit of ‘armless fun, all very humerus etc.), we shouldn’t lose slight of the fact that someone lost a limb – and therefore the man in question is on the balance of probabilities more likely to shoot his girlfriend through a closed bathroom door than before the incident…

 

The obvious question is what did the driver do with the arm (which could have been re-attached), did he:

 

A) Notify the local hospital so they could prepare their more skilled plastic surgeons for the complex operation and ensure that there was plenty of blood in stock for this gentleman; or 

 

B) Throw the arm in a river

 

Have a guess… 

 

Yep, unfortunately he threw it in the river (not the Amazon – although the arm ironically sunk quicker than Amazon’s profits as soon as someone murmured the words ‘corporation tax’). 

 

The man who tragically had his arm tossed into the river was a window cleaner and therefore will no longer be able to clean windows with just one arm – basically, in terms of getting a career, he’ll have to climb up a different ladder…

 

The Brazilian policeforce are currently pressing charges against the driver for attempted murder and driving while under the influence of alcohol. However, they haven’t yet decided how to charge him for the disposal of the arm – as technically ‘throwing someone’s severed arm into a stream’ isn’t a fully defined crime in Brazilian law.

 

For it to be a law, the Brazilian Government would have to create a lawbook so vast that they’d probably have to chop down every remaining tree in the Brazilian rainforest to make it – which I think is about 3 trees thanks to the obscene levels of deforestation in recent years.

 

That said… there’s a few rumours starting to develop saying that the 22 year old student wasn’t driving the car at all… apparently his wife claims to have been driving it…

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

WOWS Podcast Ep4

The next instalment of the WOWS Podcast is here. In this episode Jimbo & Fisher discuss Justin Bieber, The Queen and potential merchandise for Waste of Web Space. Jimbo and Fisher also attempt to do a film section and then mark International Womens Day and Mothers Day…but not very well. Enjoy and please leave a comment if you would like a shout out in the next podcast.

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS Podcast

Paying the Pryce…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog. Indeed, I had absolutely no ‘likes’ whatsoever; which made the ‘blog about as popular as a right-wing politician at the funeral of Hugo Chavez – on the subject of Hugo Chavez, there’s been many tributes to him, with some people even printing his initials on their bathroom taps as a way to remember him. 

 

I was half expecting to receive some letters through the post from Manchester United fans. Although this didn’t really logically flow, so I then expected to receive a few turds in a bottle. Fortunately this didn’t happen, as a result I didn’t receive any bottles containing putrid content – although I was given a few bottles of Carling the other day…

 

Following my mention of football yesterday, it was notable that Rio Ferdinand was let off by UEFA following his actions at the final whistle of the Manchester United game on Tuesday – when he heard the news, he went and clapped loudly in the face of the man who made the decision… 

 

Anyhow, it’s time to crack on with today’s ‘blog and I wasn’t surprised to see that Chris Huhne’s estranged wife Vicky Pryce had been convicted of perverting the course of justice… also there was a story about a policemen who had conducted a survey on the defication habits of koalas… and it turned out that bears do sh*t in the woods… and it’s hard to know which was the greater waste of police time… 

 

(I’ve had a busy day…)

 

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

Shrove Wednesday…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog; but that said, there wasn’t much of a ‘blog either. If anything, I’d expect that a ‘blog which is streamlined more than Sir Chris Hoy in a windtunnel would be more popular than a long winded ‘blog where I drift off on a tangent and make up a load of rubbish – by the way, talking about ‘tangents’, isn’t that how you’d describe David Dickinson and Dale Winton?

Anyhow, yesterday was Shrove Tuesday and it’s a tradition that many people give something up for Lent, which commences on Ash Wednesday (which is today, or yesterday if you’re reading this ‘blog tomorrow). Personally, I’ve decided to give up pancakes for lent.

It’s quite common for me to over indulge on Shrove Tuesday, I often eat so much that my internal organs start hurting. Bizarrely, the main organ that ends up in pain in my pancreas – it hurts so bad, that I think they should stop calling this particular day Shrove Tuesday and they should instead call is Panc-ache Day, but I don’t think anyone will start calling it that…

I’ll be honest, that last pun was terrible, absolutely crepe in fact – I’ll try to think of a few batter pancake related jokes to tell, but I’m cautious that I’ll end up sounding like I’m flipping stupid…

Quite why pancakes appeal to people on Shrove Tuesday is beyond me, if they’re that nice then wouldn’t we have them regularly throughout the year? Perhaps the whole thing is a marketing ploy by pancake manufactures (by that I mean Pancake Day, not the whole thing about lent lasting until Maundy Thursday which is the day before Jesus died – if pancake manufactures did make that up about Jesus being resurrected, then I’ll have to doth my cap to them as it’s probably the best work of fiction since reading Chris Huhne’s statement to the Police on his whereabouts when his wife was alleged to be speeding).

A large part of the tradition of making pancakes is the question of which filling people have in their pancakes, personally I have the combination of syrup (which is as golden as one of Jessica Ennis’ medals and just as sweet as she is as well) and lemon juice (which is as bitter as Andrew Ridgley when he picks up a copy of George Michael’s greatest solo hits album). Although if that doesn’t interest you, then the Tesco are doing their own black treacle and black beauty pancakes as well…

There’s also many traditions that occur on Shrove Tuesday, in particular some towns have special races where people race along whilst flipping a pancake and they have to get to the finish line without dropping the pancake. One of the best exponents of this was Piers Morgan… who won the packcake-flip race in his home town of Guildford every year between 1984 to 2003 (except from 1991, when he couldn’t compete because he unfortunately got his head stuck up his own arse on the morning of the race)… still 19 victories in 20 years is very impressive… what a tosser…

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)

WOWS News Round Up 6th February 2013

MP’s vote in favour of gay marriage

This has been a big story in the news this week as lots of people have differing opinions on the issues. It has been hailed as a landmark moment though in terms of equality. As covered in the recent WOWS blog post “You’re Gay, Right” gay people were already entitled to marry in what was known as a civil ceremony. Now though it seems that the gay community will now be able to marry legally in a church should the church allow them to. The big news to come from this however that was over half of the Torie MP’s voted against gay marriage, how unexpected, we have always thought the Torie party was a fair, honest, equality driven party.

Lib Dem Chris Huhne pleads guilty to perverting the court of justice

Another politician causing controversy now as Lid Dem Chris Huhne admitted he had pleaded with his ex-wife to take his 3 points for speeding. What a pleb – is how another politician might have described in. It’s good news that the truth came out and he finally admitted guilt however it’s not great news for Aston Villa Football Club who made a list ditch attempt to get Chris Huhne’s 3 points and they were all set to claim them but at the last-minute Aston Villa’s defence team slipped up and they lost out on the 3 points.

Ashley Cole gets his 100th England Cap

Ashley Cole picked up his 100th international cap in England’s friendly game against Brazil. Ashley apparently likes to wear his caps side ways while shooting academy players with an air gun.

Human remains found under a car park in Leicester is King Richard III

Scientists have confirmed that the skeleton is that of King Richard III. It must have been the classic male mistake of coming out of the supermarket and not remembering where you had parked the car for King Richard sadly Richard must have been looking for it for so long that he starved. It apparently cost thousands of pounds worth of research to work out whether this skeleton dating back to as early as 1455 was that of the king. Why didn’t they just ask Bruce Forsyth who was surely in his 40’s around that time?

If you like this then please check out the latest WOWS Podcast!

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS News Round Up

You absolute buff-Huhne…

There wasn’t much in the way of feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, although once person objected to my insinuation that Tesco is an expensive place and they pointed to the fact that they sell trollies in their car park for just £1.

Talking about people who could be off their trolley, Chris Huhne was in the news today. It turns out that when he said that he wasn’t lying, he was actually lying and he tried to cover up his initial lie with another lie – that’s the truth of the matter… I think…

The whole lie stemmed from an incident in 2003 when Huhne’s car was clocked speeding and his then wife, Vicky Pryce, claimed to have been driving the car. It was then rumoured, and strenuously denied, that Pryce had falsely claimed to have been driving the car in order take 3 penalty points on behalf of Huhne. I suppose it’s good to be moral, but in terms shifting the blame onto someone else in order to save your skin – every shamed MP has his Pryce.

The allegation itself was brought to the public fore when Huhne was caught lying by his wife. This time he was ‘lying’ in bed and the fact that a lady called Carina Trimingham was lying next to him meant that his wife wasn’t too happy, with most of her anger been vented at the woman he was having his love tryst with – she worked in a butchers and specialised in cutting wafer thin slices of pork meat to the correct size… she’s Trimingham by name and trimming ham by nature…

Huhne pleaded guilty today to being a pervert in the corset of justice (or something like that, I wasn’t really listening to the news) and said that he would step down as MP for Eastleigh, however he denied that he was a compulsive liar and said that he’d always been truthful in the past and that’s what helped him win a gold medal at the 1976 Olympics and assisted him when he became the first man to swim up Mount Everest.

As a result of his indiscretions, Huhne’s political career is left more in tatters than a car that had accidentally driven off the edge into the Grand Canyon (Huhne claims not to have been driving said car, but we can’t be certain). When he was charged by the CPS last year, he resigned his cabinet post as environment secretary – him being given that job in the first place was quite ironic given the large amount of hot air coming out of his mouth.

His somewhat undignified fall from grace is quite embarrassing really and the manner in which he lied about an incident involving the misuse of a mode of transport for nearly a decade has drawn many comments:

– Nick Clegg said he was, “shocked and saddened” by Huhne’s admission;

– David Cameron said, “it is a matter for Mr Huhne and his family.” (I’m not sure where his wife fits into that); and

– Lance Armstrong said, “he only lied for 10 years!? What an amateur…”

Following Huhne’s resignation as an MP, the Liberals Democrats are now without one of their heavyweight Politicians (albeit the phase ‘Liberal Democrat heavyweight Politician’ is surely one of life’s great contradictions?) and Huhne may now end up in prison – although he made himself look a bit silly when he asked his wife who was sat in the Courtroom gallery if she’d be up for doing 6 months in Wormwood Scrubs on his behalf.

It’s now time for Huhne to look for an different career and he has already considered alternative employment – he has recently tried his hand at football management… he was dreadful though and kept losing… he could never go home with 3 points…

Leave a comment

Filed under WOWS (blog)