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WOWS News Round Up January 28th 2013

The route of the new high-speed train network linking Birmingham to Manchester and Leeds is announced
The transport secretary has announced the route which apparently stop at 5 stations. The route was actually supposed to be announced a couple of weeks ago but instead the announcement was delayed due to a shortage of staff, it was then cancelled until further notice and then they decided to do the announcement on a replacement bus service instead. There has been a lot of criticism of the proposed route due to the fact it cuts through the picturesque country side – by this we don’t think they are referring to Birmingham. The Department For Transport has claimed the new high-speed rail will reduce journey times by half which is good because that means we will only be stuck on the platform for half an hour rather than a full hour.

French troops have taken control of Timbuktu airport in Mali
French led troops who are fighting in Mali against Islamist rebels have taken control of the airport in key city Timbuktu. This is quite an achievement as we have always been led to believe Timbuktu was impossible to get to. Imagine the instructions to the troops. “You must get from here to Timbuktu”. That particular phrase has commonly been used in the past to describe a very, very far away location, virtually impossible to get to. So the fact that the troops have managed it is great. Although the fact that there is an airport in Timbuktu probably suggest that it’s not that impossible to get to and perhaps they should re-work the phrase. Possibly to “from here down to the next junction on the M62” would nowadays be a more appropriate phrase as the M62 is more impossible to conquer in terms of travel.

Iran claims it has sent a monkey into space

Iran is claiming that it has successfully flown a monkey into space and back and takes Iran one step closer to achieving a manned space flight. Obviously Iran is quite far behind the likes of the US and Russia but it is a great achievement for them. In comparison to our British achievements Iran sending to a monkey into space is about the same as the UK’s David Beckham finally learning how to tie his shoe laces or David Cameron remembering to take his young daughter home from the pub. The last achievement for the UK involving a primate and space was quite recently when Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney volleyed a shot over the crossbar out of Old Trafford and into space which hit a man called Felix who was stargazing, this resulted in Felix losing his balance who then fell 20 odd miles from his rocket.

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WOWS News Round Up January 18th 2013

BBC News is reporting on Lib Dem MEP Sir Graham Watson being reprimanded by his own party over an inappropriate tweet in which he commented on David Cameron postponing a speech on Europe due to the hostage situation in Algeria. The tweet allegedly said “Al Qaeda 1 @David Cameron 0”

Waste of Web Space view: Well yet again we have another situation where we can’t trust politicians with Twitter. Come to think of it can we actually trust politicians with anything? Come to think of it can we trust politicians? It’s almost like a bunch of old men have got all excited about being cool enough to use twitter. Finally a tool where boring folk are able to fit in and express their opinions to the world. Perhaps politicians were the uncool kids at school and twitter is a bit of a way at hitting back and saying “no, look at me, I’m popular now!”. Well all we would have to respond to this is simply “Twitter 1 @grahamwatsonmep 0”

On the plus side though Sir Graham Watson has thought up quite an interesting idea. You see these things on the television such as Superstars where soap stars and celebrities take part in Olympic based sports. Why not do something similar where politicians and world leaders have a football match with Al Qaeda? Surely this would be a more civilised way to battle against terrorism. After all football is the language of the world? So for this concept, we thank you Sir Graham Watson. Certainly something to consider. “Twitter 1 @grahamwatsonmep 1”.

The Daily Mail is reporting that Apple are planning to start making iPhone 5s in March with view to a summer launch.

Well Waste of Web Space is at the forefront of modern technology and we have already been working closely with Apple on not the iPhone 5s but the iPhone 6. Have a look at our prototype

iPhone 6

More on Katie Price and her 3rd marriage again now as The Sun reports that a Psychic told her to marry again. Now we would love to know how much her Psychic is being paid because we could easily predict that this 3rd marriage will probably end within the next 6 months and this time next year she will be marrying her 4th husband. That could have just earned us a fortune…if we were a psychic organisation. We wonder if the psychic also predicted that Katie Price probably had a new series of her reality tv series “Katie” coming up this year and probably desperately needed something remotely interesting to film? In fact, if we use our psychic abilities we could probably predict that Katie Price’s psychic is also her TV producer?

Many are reporting on the snow which has spread across the UK

Well it happens every year and still we all go into a mad panic/excitement about it. Theres no bread or milk in the shops because everyone has bought it all. It makes us wonder though, how much bread and milk are the UK public planning to consume in the snow crisis? Do we all go on a binge session of bread and milk just because it snows? According to reports Wales has been hit worse. No internet access or electricity…and then it started to snow.

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Jimbo’s Advent Calendar Returns Ep1

After a 2 year absence Jimbo is back with the Advent Calendar. With a bigger budget available Jimbo shows off some special effects. Enjoy!

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#GroupTweetsNowtOnTV

More #TweetsNowtOnTV are here and this time Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) tweet all about groups, organisations and societies #GroupTweetsNowtOnTV

Jimbo (@JimboStudios)

Stamp Collectors – A first class society

Stamp Collectors Society – as far as collectors societies go, this one is first class

Miners Welfare – I think this is a group for people Jimmy Savile used to know

Paranormal Groups – I once went to one of these, the people were a bit weird, they all looked like they’d seen a ghost

Gamblers Anonymous – I need to go to this but its full. They said they will let me know when there’s a spare slot

Fishing Club – I have been in my fishing club for 15 years, I can’t help it, I’m hooked!

Student Union – I was in the Student Union at university. The uniform was last nights clothes and a traffic cone hat

Arts & Crafts Club – I was abused when I was in this club. I got felt up.

Scouts – Scouts are always going on about how great they are & how much good they do, what do they want a bloody badge!

Rainbows – I tried to join Rainbows but was thrown out for turning up dressed as Zippy

Model Airplane Society – I once tried to start one of these societies but it never really took off

Poker Club – my local poker club have just celebrated there 15th anniversary I sent them a card & gave them a big hand

Train Spotters – these people are great. They have an excellent track record.

Nudist Society – I was annoyed when i was thrown out of this society for wearing underwear…the bare cheek of it!

Fisher (@CFishTank)

The F.A – Roy Hodgson will tell you all about these…on the tube

The FA – Roy Hogdson has some strong views on his employer – if you’re on the tube, he might tell them to you

The Royal Shakespeare Company – they lost a pencil recently; no-one knows what type it was – was it a 2B or not 2B?

The TUC – a trade union body that insists on people having coffee breaks – and eating cheesy biscuits at the same time

Gamblers Anonymous – my local group closed recently – I’m not sure what the odds on that happening were…

The Brownies – John Terry isn’t a fan of this group…

Equity – 2 members of this actors union had a row recently – although they might have just been pretending

News International Group – are organising an Xmas party – James Murdoch isn’t going as he didn’t know anything about it

The Football Referees Association – wrongdoings in this group were recently revealed by a whistle-blower…

The National Trust – Jimmy Savile lost this year…

Association of Rail Operators – their annual meeting was delayed… then it was cancelled and took place on a bus

Group for embarrassing problems – I went to the premature ejaculators group – although I arrived far too early…

Alcoholics Anonymous – these meetings are quite strenuous – so the participants often nip for a pint afterwards…

Trade Unions –  they had a ten-pin bowling night the other week – there were loads of strikes

British Dental Association – they once merged with the British Manicurists Association – but they fought tooth and nail

This was the 50th ever #TweetsNowtOnTV and sadly it will becoming to an end when Jimbo and Fisher reach the 52nd. A lot of our #TweetsNowtOnTV are archived here on our website though so feel free to have a browse through. Don’t forget to follow Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and (@CFishTank) on twitter!

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This Is What I Like (Part 1) By Jimbo

Few things I like/enjoy/laugh at/dance to/sing to (part 1)

The goal that got me hooked on football

Football

Ever since I was about 11/12 I have been hooked. I owe it to World Cup 1998 and the excitement of watching an 18-year-old Michael Owen turn the Argentinian defence inside out and smack one in the top corner from a pretty tight angle. I remember think “wow, he is just 7 years older than me, I could be like that”….sadly I never got to play for England (mainly due to injuries) but did play Sunday league and 5 aside. I’m currently playing for Ecclesfield Red Rose with some mates and we are in our second season together, we aren’t all that good but we enjoy it…most of the time.

I’m also a very keen follower of Sheffield Wednesday and was a season ticket holder until I was 18 when I was chosen to represent them on the pitch most Saturdays…unfortunatly not as a player but it is a very interesting job role all the same. But that’s all I will say about that. (Forrest Gump impression there)

 Music

Got to love a bit of Rolf

If you’re a radio presenter you have got to like your music. Simple! I have always had quite a varied taste. My first love was probably Rolf Harris (remember we are still talking music here we aren’t onto romance yet). Not sure why Rolf tickled my fancy (again..still music) but I think it has something to do with my gran who gave me Rolf Harris cassette (google “cassette” if you were born after the mid 90’s). Rolf Harris’ biggest hit was “Tie My Kangaroo Down” which to be honest sounds a bit cruel from someone who presented a TV show called “Animal Hospital”.

After Rolf and in my early teenage youth I began listening to Emimen (because the lyrics were full of swear words and I could get away with it) A few years later and by the time I was leaving school and progressing to college I began enjoying Indie/Rock music such as the Killers, Keane, Franz Ferdinand, Hard Fi, Libertines and the Kaiser Chiefs. I then realised how lucky I was to be a Sheffielder when the Arctic Monkeys took the UK by storm and not to mention the other local bands such as Milburn, Reverend and the Makers and Little Man Tate. Sheffield was the place to be and I loved it, bouncing, moshing, crowd surfing the lot! The Arctic Monkeys were a particular interest of mine as most of them came from the same village as me “High Green”. From that moment I (my friend) knew I (my friend) wanted to be a rockstar so I (my friend) persuaded myself (my friend forced me) to buy a bass guitar so that we could start our own band. I can’t play bass guitar, I am quite a small person and the bass guitar is quite a big instrument. I never learned to play it and we never started a band. My bass guitar is sat in my dads spare bedroom doing absolutely nothing BUT I do use the amp it came with quite often when I have parties because my instrument of choice  is my iPod which nicely plugs into it.  If I shuffle my iPod the first 3 songs are; 1. George Harrison – Got My Mind Set On You 2. The Vaccines – If you wanna 3. Kayne West feat Chris Martin – Homecoming. So as you can see, quite a varied taste.

 Comedy

Aha

I love comedy. Not so much stand up comedy but more the sitcom comedy. Alan Partridge, The Office UK and American, Peter Kays Pheonix Nights, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (until Johnny was killed), Mighty Boosh, Coupling and loads more. As a radio presenter you have to love Alan Partridge but also worry slightly that you might be a little bit like him! I also like anyone who may not be a comedian by description but just is naturally or unintentionally funny which is the category a lot of radio/tv presenters fall into and like to think I do too! It’s the genius behind the comedy that impresses me the most. Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant are without doubt geniuses (or genieye if that’s the plural for it?) The thought gone into The Office is just amazing, from every single storyline, plot to every line and expression it is just very well thought out. I won’t go into too much, I’m suppose to be telling you what I like and not boring you with why I like it. I suppose I just like it if I’m laughing…but that doesnt include being tickled, I actually hate being tickled.

Food

I like food. I have to really because it keeps me alive. I can’t cook but I’m very good at being cooked for. When I go out for food I am one of those who eats the house burger everywhere I go. The reason for this is not that I am boring, but you cannot truly compare a restaurant/pub unless you have the exact same thing everywhere you go. Soon I will be a connoisseur of burger and chips. After I have been to every pub restaurant in the World then I might move onto hunters chicken or fajita’s.

This is just part 1 of things I like so I am now going to go away and think of some more things I like, or if I’m really struggling I will think of things I hate. Such as Piers Morgan.

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#SchoolTweetsNowtOnTV

This week for #TweetsNowtOnTV,  Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) go back to school and tweet about school days!

Jimbo – @JimboStudios

Maths – I was excellent at this subject but got a poor exam result, Don’t know why…..it just doesn’t add up

Drama – I hated this lesson as a kid, caused the teacher some problems I always used to act up in front of my mates

Aesop’s Fables – told in assemblies explained how Rhinos got their skin etc but never how Katie Price got her tits

Exercise Book – I had enough work to do at school without having to chase my overly active book around school

Harvest Festival – is when I would go around delivering rude shaped fruit to needy old people

Compass – drawing circles never helped me find out which way was north

Sex Education – I was scared of going to this lesson and wasn’t sure about going, I went but came out straight away

Eraser – I remember once saying to my mate Johny “Have you got a rubber Johny?” not sure why everyone laughed at me

School Dinners – fortunately I went to school before Jamie Oliver changed the school menu to Muesli

Naughty Chair – if you were lucky you would get sent to sit on this chair which had a pile of dirty magazines on it.

Lollypop lady – this skinny lady hated me trying to lick her sticky head

Rural Studies – I once got into a fight during this lesson, the teacher told us to take it inside

Careers Library – I never visited this place. I didn’t want to work as a librarian

Science – I used to fancy a girl two classrooms down from my biology classroom, there was chemistry between us

Woodwork – I convinced my mate we could make a chair from one piece of wood. I said it would work

Religious Studies – I tried my best at this subject but if I’m honest, I didn’t have a prayer

Deputy head- at my school the head teacher and deputy were shot with a pellet gun. I shot the head but not the deputy

Fisher – @CFishTank

Woodwork: hitting this would constitute a good shot for Emile Heskey

Art: I refuse to be drawn as to whether I was any good at this subject…

The School Bus: was a bit like The School Bike – but she was a lot fatter…

Whiteboard: John Terry was said to be delighted when this was used in the classroom instead of the blackboard

Drama: I was pretty good at this – but I didn’t make a song and dance about it

Teachers: is a Scottish whiskey company, they distil whiskey between 9 and 3 every weekday

Geology: you study old fossils in this, like volcanic rock… and Bruce Forsyth

Geometry: I never listened during this, I’d sit around and eat – normally I’d have 3.14 pies

ICT: is what you say when you spot that bloke from The A Team

The register: teachers take this… and a few of them end up on it…

Assembly: I was a notorious non-attender to these – I could never make them

Metalwork: this ended up being one of Abu Hamza’s favourite subjects, bit of ‘armless fun there

PE: I forgot my kit and had to do it in my vest and pants – I was then sacked from my job as a teacher

Detention: a lad at my school was given this after being caught taking cocaine – they gave him 100 lines

Textiles: some people use proper English and sum ppl use txt spk. lol

French: I hated this subject – it was all foreign to me

And from some of our #TweetsNowtOnTV followers

@AlistairHGVCC

Food Technology – this was the icing on the cake me…

Geography – could never find my classroom for this!

@GeorgieLax20

Chemistry – I used to fancy a lad a shared a Bunsen burner with..but now they’re just an old flame

History – Would tell you what I used to learn but it’s all in the past now

@Jo_Miller70

French – My spelling in French wasn’t very good, in fact, my teacher kept saying it was merder

@TJHeezy

School Dinners – These are bad just ask jamie Oliver

@JonoWilmshurst

Having a Rubber on the end of your pencil – handy instrument or life lesson?

Don’t forget to follow us on twitter and join us every Sunday evening from 10.15pm for more #TweetsNowtOnTV

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#BuildingTweetsNowtOnTV

More tweets from Jimbo (@jimbostudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) who this week Tweet about buildings!

Jimbo – @JimboStudios

College – a building made of bits of felt, card, paper all stuck down with glue

Emirates stadium – Arsene Wenger got lost before his first game there, he drove past and claimed he didn’t see it

Taj Mahal – one of the wonders of the world, not sure why I think their curries are pretty average and over priced

Post Office – I was going to tweet about this building but the Royal Mail lost my tweet in the post

Museum – where loads of old fossils are kept, not to be confused with an old people’s home

Old Peoples Home – where old fossils are kept, not to be confused with a museum

8 Downing Street – have the worst neighbours ever

10 Downing Street – heavily guarded by security but they can’t be very good because they keep letting the twat out

Playboy Mansion – I know the butler who works there, he is quiet and has no personality, a bit stiff

Royal Albert Hall – I prefer a similar building with a big metal ring through the roof, the Prince Albert Hall

Sorting Office – is where your post goes to be sorted so that it can be lost by the correct postman

Fletchers Bakery – wanted to expand but after it burnt down those plans were toast

Art Gallery – need more government funding in my opinion, a lot of them need a lick of paint

Brewery – I once tried to arrange a piss up in there but It didn’t go to plan after I missed a penalty in a brothel

Fisher – @CFishTank

The Colosseum: is where gladiators used to flight in Rome – these events were refereed by John Anderson

The White House: this is one of Luis Suarez’s favourite buildings

The O2 Arena: this is a great concert venue – and there’s plenty of oxygen for people with breathing difficulties

The Natural History Museum: this is a great place to go, but it’s a shame the all the visitors are naked

Tower Bridge: I’ve been here, and to London Bridge, but not the Millennium Bridge – that was a bridge too far…

Windsor Castle: was the brother of Roy Castle… I hope that joke about Windsor tied you in knots..

Henley Rowing Club: Steve Redgrave and Matthew Pinsent often go here to have an argument

Libraries: under the current Government’s plans, a lot of these are going to sssssssssshhhhhhhhhut

The Ritz: this is a really posh hotel in London – they leave you a cheesy biscuit on your pillow at night

The Roundhouse: it’s a music venue in Camden – Chuck Norris opened it by breaking the red tape with a trademark kick

Harrods: you had to be really good to work here under its old owner – if not, you’d be Al-Fayed…

Police Station: I went here once and turned their clocks forward an hour – I was arrested for wasting police time

The FA’s Headquarters: are based in Soho, a scandal ridden place with seedy undertones… and it’s based in Soho

Battersea Dogs Home: is where Harry Redknapp’s dog lives after Redknapp stole all his money

And some from some more #TweetsNowtOnTV followers

@TJHeezy

Big Ben – A man with a rather large Clock

@NoisyKeeper

Leaning Tower of Pisa – Dodgy stacked Domino’s boxes

Pyramids – Took their shape from PG Tips tea bags

@Jo_Miller70

House – very popular with the old ladies and clubbers

Don’t forget to follow us on twitter and join us every Sunday night from 10.15pm for #TweetsNowtOnTV

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