Tag Archives: amazon

A story about Brazil that’s absolutely nuts…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog (there were no ‘likes’), which made it about as popular as Antony Worrall Thompson in that annual event when you chase a block of cheese down the side of a massive hill in Gloucester – Worrall Thompson infamously turned up at the event every year between 2003 and 2007 and stole the block of cheese, thus ruining the event for everyone. 


I did get on message from a young woman saying that they thought the ‘blog was a little bit condescending towards females though. 


‘Condescending’?! That’s a long word for a woman to use…


Anyhow, it’s time to move onto today’s blog – and I’m going to talk about a Brazilian (not that kind of a Brazilian…). The Brazilian in question is a 22 year old student who crashed his car into a cyclist, the cyclist in question then had his arm torn clean off and the motorist in question drove off with the severed arm of the cyclist attached to his vehicle, which made for a gruesome sight – and probably the worst episode of Pimp My Ride ever… 


Whilst it’s easy to poke fun at this situation (a bit of ‘armless fun, all very humerus etc.), we shouldn’t lose slight of the fact that someone lost a limb – and therefore the man in question is on the balance of probabilities more likely to shoot his girlfriend through a closed bathroom door than before the incident…


The obvious question is what did the driver do with the arm (which could have been re-attached), did he:


A) Notify the local hospital so they could prepare their more skilled plastic surgeons for the complex operation and ensure that there was plenty of blood in stock for this gentleman; or 


B) Throw the arm in a river


Have a guess… 


Yep, unfortunately he threw it in the river (not the Amazon – although the arm ironically sunk quicker than Amazon’s profits as soon as someone murmured the words ‘corporation tax’). 


The man who tragically had his arm tossed into the river was a window cleaner and therefore will no longer be able to clean windows with just one arm – basically, in terms of getting a career, he’ll have to climb up a different ladder…


The Brazilian policeforce are currently pressing charges against the driver for attempted murder and driving while under the influence of alcohol. However, they haven’t yet decided how to charge him for the disposal of the arm – as technically ‘throwing someone’s severed arm into a stream’ isn’t a fully defined crime in Brazilian law.


For it to be a law, the Brazilian Government would have to create a lawbook so vast that they’d probably have to chop down every remaining tree in the Brazilian rainforest to make it – which I think is about 3 trees thanks to the obscene levels of deforestation in recent years.


That said… there’s a few rumours starting to develop saying that the 22 year old student wasn’t driving the car at all… apparently his wife claims to have been driving it…

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You’d be forgiven if the above title leads you to think that this ‘blog is about further abuses of the expenses system by Members of Parliament (the ‘system’ being that if you own a second home, then you multiply the 5th digit of your phone number by the year you were born, and then you can reclaim that amount of rent annually – or something like that, I’m sure it’s quite as robust as the way I’ve described it there).

Instead this ‘blog is about Amazon’s latest business plan, which is to offer free digital versions of CD’s bought online (presumably the CD’s have to be bought via Amazon through).

The idea of giving albums away for free isn’t anything new – indeed it once propelled Chico from The X Factor’s album up to 85 in the charts.

Amazon to their credit have drawn up a list of 50,000 CD’s that they are offering as part of this service. According to the BBC News website, this includes: Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd; Thriller by Michael Jackson; 21 by Adele and… er… pretty much every other album that has ever been made…

Will this idea take off? I suppose it’s difficult to say, surely the fact that so few people buy CD’s may be a fundamental flaw in their plan? Additionally, you can nowadays just download music instead of physically buying it or indeed stream music instead of having to download it (high technically advanced people can just remember the lyrics to a song and have it running through their mind all day, which saves them even having to bother streaming the song – whilst less technically advanced people still tape songs from the radio using C90’s).

To be honest, I’m not really into modern music and I’ve bought/downloaded/streamed very few albums in recent years. However, I appreciate that many people are keen on modern music and as a result I try to take an interest. For example, I know that a man called Arthur James won The X Factor this year, I know that Susan Boyle is nicknamed ‘Subo’… and I know that Pete Doherty isn’t nicknamed in a similar manner…

I know that Gangnam Style is a partly satirical song poking fun at the people of the wealthy district of South Korea’s capital city and that its singer probably lives there now, given the amount of money he’s earned – if he does, then he’s totally sold his Seoul…

It’s a shame that people buy online and that the young of Britain don’t get involved in that Great British tradition of heading out on a Monday and buying the latest albums to be released from their local music stores – such as Tesco, Asda and Sainsburys…

Indeed, I’m told that there was a time when people used to venture out to so called ‘independent shops’ that sold things called ‘vinyl’. To be honest, I have no idea what a vinyl or an LP is – but I thought I should mention them for the Record…

But for the time being, Amazon is the king of the online retailers for CD’s, DVD’s, books, electronic equipment, video games, software, toys, jewellery and clothes… I even went on there once and ordered a large South American river…

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Jimbo (@JimboStudios) & Fisher (@CFishTank) are back and this time #TweetsNowtOnTV tackles the world of the world wide web with #WebTweetsNowtOnTV. So get connected and enjoy!

Google – I did a google search for this search engine

Google – I used this search engine the other day to find the Google search engine

Broadband – a term used to describe the Arctic Monkeys accent

Bandwidth – is something to do with data, not how much Beth Ditto adds to the width of her band The Gossip

Parental Controls – I set these on family computer to stop my parents from looking at porn

Internet Explorer – is how Christopher Columbus really found America and imported tobacco

Firefox – is a website for recently made redundant foxes

Wikipedia – no idea what this is, I’ll just look it up on Wikipedia

Comparison Websites – I used a website to compare which one of these was better

Moonpig.com – was gutted when this website put its prices up, but since finding funky pigeon, I’m over the moon

Yahoo – is what an excited American would say

Chat Rooms – is where you can log on to talk about rooms with other people interested in rooms

Dating Websites – I once dated someone online, it didn’t last long, we lost the connection

Instant Messenger – deliver messages instantly, unlike the Royal Mail, who just lose them

4G – Is the text abbreviation for if you were asking for group sex

Amazon – is a website you can buy rainforests from

URL – a really unlucky guy who keeps getting bad Karma and has a show on Channel 4 his name is URL

Hotmail – a popular website amongst straight females and gay men

Spam – I keep getting people emailing me this

Internet Shopping – I was doing this the other day and a window came up asking I needed help, i said I was just browsing

Favorites – is secret section on my parents computer where details of who the favorite child is stored

WAP – is the violent impact which occurs when Batman and Robin can’t get there mobile phone Internet working

Spotify –is what Harry Potter says when he wants to give an enemy really back acne

Google Earth – that’s a bloody impressive sponsorship deal that Google have got there

LastMinute .com – thinking for a name of this website was completed very late in the day

Spam – I get this via email – I currently have someone persistently trying to sell me some tinned meat

The worldwide web – was created by an over-active spider

Hotmail – is the result of the postman setting fire to your post – that’s presuming they haven’t lost it first

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