Give us Pope…

There wasn’t much feedback on yesterday’s ‘blog, it received no ‘likes’ – which is the same amount of likes that Dave Lee Travis had during the 1970’s (and yet somehow, his popularity has still managed to decrease given the recent allegations against him). 

 

I was a bit surprised that I didn’t get any correspondence from the Australian cricket team whom I reference in yesterday’s ‘blog; although I’m advised that they were busy as their coach had asked then to go and prepare the ground for tomorrow’s game and anyone who wasn’t in attendance with their lawn mower would be fined $10,000 and their parents would be written to. 

 

Anyhow, it’s time to move on to today’s blog, which is about the election of the Pope. I can exclusively reveal that the new Pope will be…

 

[DRUM ROLL]

 

…someone who no-one has ever heard of. Again.  

 

The person due to fill Benedict XVI’s shoes will be Francis I – and as I’ve said, I don’t really know much about her…

 

Hang on, news just in: Francis I is actually a man – his real name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio and he’s from Argentina.

 

Little is known about Francis I, although he once allegedly tried to appear on Dragons Den attempting to raise investment in his homemade fizzy orange juice, but he got confused and accidentally walked onto the set of Strictly Come Dancing – nonetheless, the judges said they liked his Argentine tango…

 

The election process is an intriguing one, with the Cardinals being isolated from the outside world and then voting in the Papal conclave until two-thirds of the people voting agree on a candidate. I’m guessing being cut-off from the outside world must be tough – the people at the top of the Catholic Church always seem like they have their finger on the pulse…

 

The naming of the Pope is also an interesting process, with the new elected Pope being allowed to chose his Papal name. The most popular name in Pope John, with the most recent being Pope John 23rd (who died in 1963). However, there wasn’t a Pope John 20th as this number was completely left out; I think this is due to the loving manner in which Pope John 19th used to sign off correspondence which led to a lot of confusion – he’d finish by saying “lots of love, Pope John xx”

 

No doubt this is great news for Francis I and the people of Argentina… who I think have now had their second Pope… the first one was Diego Maradona… he was elected with the assistance of the Hand of God… 

 

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