That shrinking feeling…

Yesterday’s ‘blog got one ‘like’, so I’m happy that I managed to precisely maintain the quality of my ‘blogging from the previous day.

After a mention of tennis yesterday, Andy Murray booked his place in the men’s final at the Australian Open today. Murray is in good form having won every Grand Slam men’s tournament held since the 2012 Wimbledon – his victory in last year’s US Open meant that I can no longer claim to be such a good tennis player that I’ve won as many Grand Slam titles as Murray and Tim Henman put together. What a selfish Englishman/Brit/Scotsman (please delete depending upon his performance in the final) Murray really is.

Anyhow, the economy shrunk again today meaning that it’s shrinking faster than Lance Armstrong’s reputation and, with any luck, in a few weeks time the entire economy should be able to fit neatly into one of these ‘blog posts – given that Ronnie Corbett has grown more than the economy.

Whilst the Government were initially keen to deny that a double-dip recession would occur it now appears that these denials were because they were planning on having a triple-dip recession. This means that our economy will have more dips than a celery and doritos party (which is a modern update on a cheese and wine party, these are tough economic times after all. Indeed some people in Greece now actually get paid in the above items instead of received money, but at least they’re earning… or they’re get a celery anyway…).

There’s little point in trying to explain the whole economic situation as I’m pretty clueless about it, indeed I am to economics what George Osborne is to… er, well… economics…

I’m fairly certain that the economy has contracted in the last quarter due to the UK’s Gross Domestic Product going down. Sort yourselves out Britain! There’s no wonder the economy’s going to the wall if the Domestic Products we sell are Gross. Who the hell would want to put horrible products in their homes!? Start selling Nice Domestic Products and the economy will prosper, you fools!

On top of that, our national debt appears to be increasing so quickly that anyone would have thought that it was lend to us by Wonga.com and the deficit reduction plan appears to be working as well as the last Prime Minister’s pitch to the BBC for a comedy show staring him and his 2 children (he was going to call it Gordon Brown’s Boys – ironically, it would probably have been funnier that Mrs Brown’s Boys).

To find out whether we’ll actually officially back in recession we will have to wait another 3 months to see whether we have what’s technically known as ‘2 quarters/6 months of the year’ of negative growth… ‘2 quarters/6 months of the year’… that’s a name of two halves…

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