This week Jimbo (@JimboStudios) & Fisher (@CFishTank) tweeted all about services (public & private).

Jimbo – (@JimboStudios)

Poll Station – Out of all the services, this gets my vote

Library – I don’t go here anymore as me & my ex girlfriend split up in there. We just weren’t on the same page

South Yorkshire Police – a very p̶o̶o̶r̶ good police force.

Traffic Warden – my ex was a traffic warden who split up with me over bad parking. She said I’d crossed the line

Records Office – have details of every birth and death since records began, or since Bruce Forsyth’s birth date

Post Office – I got the sack from managing a Post Office for licking my staff. I was just stamping my authority

Citizens Advice – went to see these. They told me to wear green more often as it brings out the colour in my eyes

Polling station – out of all the public services, this one gets my vote

Recycling centre – I didn’t used to recycle but now I take my garden cuttings here. I’ve turned over a new leaf.

Dentist – I’m my dentists best customer, they keep telling me that I’m going to get a plaque

Fisher – @CFishTank

Motor breakdown service or Alcoholics Anonymous?

The Coast Guard – disappointingly, they’re doing very little to prevent coastal erosion

The Fire Service – is something that Alan Sugar provides.

Traffic Wardens – I saw one playing football – he was sent off after he got 2 yellows and was fined £30

The AA – they call themselves ‘the 4th emergency service’ – I don’t think Alcoholics Anonymous is that important.

Universities – they have Chancellors – all of which know more about economics than George Osborne.

Cave Rescue – they help people who are trapped in an abyss – but they’re yet to save Peter Andre’s career.

999 – is 1 less than the amount I hate Piers Morgan on a scale of 1 to 1000 (1 being dislike and 1000 being despise)

Mountain Rescue – they try to save people but it’s really hard for them – they often have a mountain to climb.

HM Revenue and Customs – this department is dreadful – it makes me wonder why I bother paying my taxes.

Doctors – I once saw one who asked me my opinion on suppositories – I told him that he could shove it up his arse.

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